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I know I haven't submitted one of these in a while..but I need help. I need to get this off of my chest. I've been really scattered lately and usually I can't make sense of the chaos, but recently I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a sinking ship. I'm a hideous shipwreck and there are no survivors. Everyone I come to love or come into contact with leaves. I can't blame them though because I get so upset over the simplest of things. It's ridiculous. I don't feel in control anymore and I just watch the chains wrap around my ankles.. It's gotten so heavy and burdening since the last time I've done this, and I don't think it's going to stop any time soon. Eventually I'm going to snap and hurt the rest of the people I have left in my life.. Somehow I feel very livid about it, yet it stills eats away at my conscience. I'm sorry everyone but.. I just take it anymore and I want to just end it... Please just give any input you can (if you can). Please help... I found out just the other day that my cousin has gotten worse. He has cancer and it spread in two weeks.. He's dying and I can't do anything about it. He lives over 300 miles away from me so I can't even hug him.. My mother has gotten worse too. She has more liezens on her brain... She's dying too. Everyone is..dying. Eberything is so out of my hands and honestly, it hurts. It's driving me crazy and that insanity is spreading through my veins like poison. So the question is, do I let it destroy me? Do I let the darkness consume what's left of my broken soul? I want to give into the sweet siren calls of the darkness. The peace it would bring to my chaotic mind. The bitter sweet end.. It sounds nice.

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Bre!!!

Thanks for sharing! The thing about sinking ships, is that they aren't yet sunk. Lot's of ships take on water, but not as many go to the bottom of the sea. There will be storms and waves that crash against you. There will be times when it feels like you are going to go under, but the fact that you can recognize the sinking means that you haven't sunk yet!

People come and go in life regardless of whether they love you or not. It hurts, but it's not your fault. There are so many amazing things that you do in this community, and for the people you know in real life. Whether we leave or not isn't just do to what you've done. For instance, I am not on this webpage nearly as often as usual, because it's tax season and I work many, many hours. It's not because I don't love this place. (In fact, I do love it very much.) It's because my life is taking me somewhere else for now. 

It's okay to let go of control. Trying to control your life only serves to hurt you anyway. You can only control how you react to all of the event in your life, and even then, you might slip up. It is of the greatest joy to be able to give up that need to control where you are and allow God to take the wheel. He's a good driver. 

Bre... There may be days when you snap, but we love you just the same, we love that you spend time with us, that you share your art with us, that you talk with us, that you are who you are. And when you snap at us or the people around you, we love you, even while you do that. 

Stop thinking about ending things! Start thinking about starting things. Starting to love yourself, starting a new project, starting a new day. This is the beginning of the rest of your life and there are a lot of amazing things headed your way. :)

Love, 

Joseph Bohan

One of the Real Ones 

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