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Well by the time I this is sent, I'm probably on my fourth grave visit. About time I pay my respects again. These aren't just family and friends, they're my comrades. To say that we supported each other would be an understatement. I'm sorry to say this, but I really need people that I could trust right now. Racial tension grew ever so progressively here, making my current comrades have to lay low and somehow find a way to calm their people down. The cow head put inside a Hindu temple and a pig head in a mosque sure is something in our way. I'm mix blooded, so I could choose to be neutral. The concern would be amongst the rest though, how they view me taking a neutral stand when I'm registered as the privileged race. I'm glad that we still respect each other, but I'm afraid of the tension affecting our comradeship. I've been on both sides of betrayal, but I'm more afraid of them just walking away. I can handle hate, but I'm weak to disappointment and being forgotten. I'll admit that I'm guilty of being selfish, afraid to see the efforts made all for naught. Let's just hope I'm not wasting opportunities; the people I've met, lost and currently with. 

So yeah, while I'm glad that my purpose got clearer, I'm afraid that my very being might screw it up. I have an unhealthy amount of envy and pride. Lately I've been looking down on people a lot, becoming the very embodiment of racism we've been trying to deal with. Then there's also me not believing in the people that are 64% of my blood. I've become selfish and started to consider progressing by myself, leaving them in ignorance and pride. I'll be 'my race's representative' they might think. "Don't flatter yourselves, I'm not one of you thickheads. Easy for you to be proud, and easier for you to judge us without our outstanding performance. Such a wasted potential of a race" would actually be my thoughts. But wait, there's more! Deciding to progress alone will mean that my motivation is corrupted. It's no longer about 'my people' , it's about me against other races... because the people who share the highest percentage of race with me are hopeless. 

I'm the very embodiment of the aristocrats that I am not in favor of. Betraying people in plain sight by furthering my own selfish agenda that'll only benefit me. I would like to see the future where I can be corrected, but teens all over the world seem to be losing my faith. 

How do I put my faith in people again? Was I being naive back then, to truly think that a lot of people actually have hope when there are only a handful in truth. I'm very disappointed in a lot of people right now, especially myself for needing to feel disappointed of the people. 
How do I realise that I'm no one amazing, just a pawn pretending to be King in a chess game with the ever so beautiful Death. The game won't be over if I'm captured, I'm just a piece that could mimic others. How could a pawn capture The Black Queen? How would I know if I'm not actually a black pawn? It's White's move, what will be the fate of this game?

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