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Princess - Being Invisible

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There are times when it just seems like I've turned invisible.
I can't tell if it's because of something I do (or don't do), or if it's just not what people generally see.
There are days when I am with a person or a group of people they know and while I am around I just don't truly exist in their eyes unless I really try hard to join in.
And other times of great fear and suffering, no-one seems to see it... 
And the sillier times where I was locked in a room because they didn't realize I was still there reading a book.
And it's painful to wait and not be seen, but it's also hard to know if it's really okay to speak up because sometimes it still seems that I'm not heard either.
It's not a super frequent experience or anything.
I am not always the best at social spaces when I don't have any connection because usually other people have those connections and I don't want to intrude.

Yet this isn't the only level of invisibility either...
As thoughts swirl distorted from memories, all but a shadow exists.
Nothing more then a decoration, a piece of art nailed on the wall, or a colorful rug which dutifully sits to tie a room together.
Even those who appreciate it, go little further then acknowledgement...

Have you experienced that? Any advice?

Edited by Princess_Yellow
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Princess, I understand completely.  I used to be timid and shy, and kept to myself, and I often felt like I didn't matter to anybody- like nobody ever noticed me.

From what little i've talked to you, you do seem to be a somewhat quiet person, and that's not a bad thing by any means!  I may be wrong, but you seem to talk most when you feel your input is needed, right?  

There's nothing wrong with being quiet, or kindof staying out of a large group of people.  But, one thing I have learned is that if you want to matter to people, you do need to interact sometimes.  Not all the time, and not always with everybody, but little interactions can often make a difference.  Don't be afraid to ask questions, add input, or raise your voice, if you want to be heard! (Just make sure you don't sound angry XD)

I used to stay quiet all the time, too.  But you need to learn to speak up, even if only for a moment at a time.  If a tree falls in a forest and people are around to hear it, they're going to hear it.  But if the tree rustles gently in the wind?  It gets drowned out by all the other trees doing the same thing.

I definitely understand the feeling of not wanting to intrude on a conversation, and it can be easy to get ignored sometimes, or feel out of place.  I've just gotten into the habit of asking "what's going on?"  Whenever a conversation i'm interested in (but not actively involved in) gets to a brief pause- it's a good way to bring the focus onto you, and making sure you have info and input on the situation.  (Again, just make sure you're loud enough to be heard!  Dont be shy!)

As for the fear and suffering part...?  Well, some people are naturally good at hiding their feelings without even knowing it- and if you're a quiet person, which you seem to be, it can be hard for others to tell if something is bothering you, as being quiet normally and being quiet from pain aren't much different from one another.  Again, don't be afraid to speak up, and be clear about what you want!

Just try working on commanding more attention to yourself.  Be louder, expressive, give your opinion, throw yourself into the middle of something, crack a joke, even if it's a failure- just make sure people *hear* you, and know that you want to be included.

If you keep to yourself, people will assume that's what you want- to keep to yourself.  If you put yourself out there for people, people will assume you're interested in whatever it is.  This isnt something that will change by waiting and changing yourself.  You have to take action sometimes- you HAVE to let people know what it is that you want!

I've known many people that expressed concern about not being noticed, or being ignored, and they were always very quiet, never saying much, and never telling people they wanted to be noticed.  They assumed that people would just... *know* what they wanted, and would get upset when nobody paid attention.  

If you don't speak, nobody can listen.  If you don't speak, nobody will ever know what you want.  So be brave, and speak up for yourself!

I hope you can understand my points, here...  It may be a bit of mess, and may seem kinda cold, but I'm saying this all in good faith, truly.

Edited by ScienceRocks
lol I was half asleep and typed a bunch of gibberish
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It's quite intriguing how this shows itself in our lives.  Especially as you post this  question, similar to one I had asked. Great minds think alike?

And I'm hesitant to answer because of the two-fold issue that any response is generally going have. First, the intended, to encourage, and second the incidental, a longing.

So, I'm still not through with the same issue, though I thought I was. Indeed sometimes things like this take years to learn and grow through, (25 for me so far) 

I'm going to start with a story of a similar situation in my life, which had eternal consequences. 

For me, it was with my friends. Friends whom I am very close with. There are three, sometimes four of us, we grew up together, went to church together, always make it around for any event in the others' lives. But it didn't always feel that way. Especially when we were going through college. 

I went to college away from all of my friends, but I think what really got me was that even though I made some fantastic friends, indeed perhaps my closest friend, I made in college. But that didn't stop the feelings of loneliness, the feelings of missing out. And I went to a dark place, a very dark place, because my answers to loneliness were not healthy answers. They were not the right answers. 

And my friends, they didn't seem to notice or didn't seem to care. And that hurt. 

Now, I've been incredibly blessed to have been found by Christ, but I remember thinking when I was. None of my family or friends even asked. I went to church my whole life and no one even asked how I was doing in a walk with God, much less if I was even walking. 

And it stings, it's hard, and breeds distrust. And this isn't a happy story,. Because I felt the same thing when my wife broke up with me. None of my friends seemed to notice, except the one I lived with, and he just didn't want to see me in pain, he told me to leave her and be better. But none of my other close friends even seemed to care. 

And perhaps this isn't that encouraging, but I want you to know that there are going to be dark times. But when the darkness comes don't lose your self to it, cause the darkenss only comes to bring you Hell. 

But in those moments, in the dark, alone, either in feelings or in actuality. I learned two things. One, my God is with me, always even to the end of the age. And I know that I am not ever alone anymore.

Second, when I feel alone, because even when you know things to be true you can and will feel something different, I've learned to refocus what I set my mind on, whether it be God or just unfocusing from the negative. Most of the time when I feel alone, I have to take a hard look at what I'm listening too, and who I'm surrounded by, and if those people/things are adding to your loneliness it might be time to ditch them for something better. 

Turn off that sad love song and start listening to StaticPs No one's in this alone. Stop watching soaps and romances and start listening to motivational videos and watching movies with an uplifting message. Stop talking to your friends about your issues (collective issues, I want to clarify that you don't want to have a group that gossips and complains, but you do want people you can talk to when you are facing challenges.) And start talking to God. 

As a conclusion, however, I have learned in order to be heard I need to be honest, with myself and others about how I am feeling. Even if it's anger, resentment, self-loathing. These are not good things, but if we hide them under a face of "I'm fine," or "I just need to not focus on myself" we miss out on the fact that we are people too. That you matter a lot. And it's okay to say you aren't alright and have that seen and heard by people. Even people like us.

We love you and are so glad you are here. *Hugs*

But back to my original statement, the second unintended issue with this response, I am not present to you. 

What I mean is this: no matter how much I care, or try, or respond, or worry. I am not there for you. I am just a person on the internet and though I look forward to a day when I'm not and I can meet you and the many other wonderful people here, today is not that. And I don't want you to be sad because there seem to be great people online but the people  in real life aren't as good, at listening, or hearing, or caring.

And maybe this isn't you and you can just ignore it, but then this response is for people like me who didn't believe. 

There are people out there who care about you more than you know, because after talking with my friends from the story earlier. They said, we cared and loved you and prayed for you that entire time, but you cut yourself off and we didn't know how to approach you. 

You see the people are out there who listen and notice and care, and they are the people you don't notice, noticing. People care, people do love you, and they are there for you. Please don't forget that. 

It's the basis for the Real Ones. Because we're out there and we notice. 

Best of luck Princess and God Bless during those difficult times. 


Joseph Bohan

One of the Real Ones



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