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harmony124

How do I help in this case?

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My boyfriend had a really bad ex that caused a lot of trouble for him before they broke up.  He doesn't have any romantic feelings towards her but he often reminisces about the past with her.  But it causes him soo much pain and suffering and it worries me a lot. I want to help him get rid of that pain and have him focus on other things. I'm always listening to him and helping him vent and being there for him when he needs it. I know I'm the one he loves in that manner so I am not worried about anything like that. I can see it clearly. But is there anything else I can do to help him? I worry about him a lot and just want him to be happy. 

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7 hours ago, harmony124 said:

My boyfriend had a really bad ex that caused a lot of trouble for him before they broke up.  He doesn't have any romantic feelings towards her but he often reminisces about the past with her.  But it causes him soo much pain and suffering and it worries me a lot. I want to help him get rid of that pain and have him focus on other things. I'm always listening to him and helping him vent and being there for him when he needs it. I know I'm the one he loves in that manner so I am not worried about anything like that. I can see it clearly. But is there anything else I can do to help him? I worry about him a lot and just want him to be happy. 

 

I think what you said you're doing is definitely helping him and showing you're there for him, but you can also focus on finding ways to distract him from those thoughts. Distractions are actually a pretty great way to cope with most things--maybe you can take him out with a bunch a friends more often, or go someplace new. Bottom-line, just keep establishing more happy memories with him, and, with time, reminiscing about the times with his ex won't make him suffer anymore.

 

(Sorry if this seems rushed--saw this post and wanted to say something before I went to class.)

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On 8/24/2017 at 8:25 AM, MissMalleto said:

 

I think what you said you're doing is definitely helping him and showing you're there for him, but you can also focus on finding ways to distract him from those thoughts. Distractions are actually a pretty great way to cope with most things--maybe you can take him out with a bunch a friends more often, or go someplace new. Bottom-line, just keep establishing more happy memories with him, and, with time, reminiscing about the times with his ex won't make him suffer anymore.

 

(Sorry if this seems rushed--saw this post and wanted to say something before I went to class.)

A lot of that is what I have been trying to do, going to different places and trying to distract him.  You are probably right. I know it'll happen over time. I just hate to see him feel like he does.

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8 hours ago, harmony124 said:

A lot of that is what I have been trying to do, going to different places and trying to distract him.  You are probably right. I know it'll happen over time. I just hate to see him feel like he does.

Perfectly understandable--it's hard to watch those we care deeply about suffer over anything. I'm no expert, but I think you're doing the best you can; if you two value each other, then your best will prove to be enough. I hope he heals sooner than later, and wish you the best of luck! 

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@harmony124 just keep doing what you are doing, though what i am saying is similar to what the others are telling you. Just keep creating those happy memories. Keep being there for him. Keep being the person who will give him the shoulder to lean on. As somebody who has a lot of tough times i find that just knowing that somebody is will to help me, that there is somebody to lean on helps tremendously, and even though he keeps reminiscing about it, it is something that will happen. We often look at our lowest points in our lives, the parts that hurt the most, to either try and overcome the fear of it happening again or because subconsciously we feel like there is something that we need to learn from that experience. 

(these are all just my own personal opinions based on my own persona experiences)

Edited by Dantaliann
Adding in a bit of extra information

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