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About Me

Found 9 results

  1. I'm 18 years old, and in college. I still live with my parents for now, and I don't know when that will change. I feel so lost and hopeless. I'm trying to work towards a carreer in psychology, but I don't even feel like doing that anymore. The college i'm currently at basically forces me to take a bunch of math classes before I can get to do anything psychology related. I'm currently in algebra, again, and I've skipped class for the past two weeks... There's no point in learning if I can't begin to understand it. They may as well be teaching a fish to fly- you can teach all you want, but without wings to practice with, your words are useless. And I just can't begin to practice at all. On top of that, i'm still unemployed, despite a bit of pressure from my parents to just 'get some experience'. I feel so bad about everything I do- I'm so scared, and unmotivated, and I'm tired of doing things that only get me nowhere, and i'm tired of working and not getting anything in return. I'm going to be transferring to a college where I dont have to do all that math, but I just don't even care anymore. Any desire I had, or passion for psychology has long since burnt out under the weight of so many failed math classes, so many failed attempts to move forwards. Not to mention the absurd amount of classes needed for one stupid sheet of paper that says 'you puked up all the info we gave for five years straight! Well done!" ...I have no desire to do anything. I dont want to go ask an academic advisor for a few things to transfer, like mom asks me to. You'd think i'd be excited, right? Being able to finally make some progress towards what I've wanted? ....I couldn't care less. The trouble of going through the process just doesnt seem worth it. I'm so scared of failure.. I dont know what to do.. im so lost, and hopeless, and it feels like theres no point to me doing anything, and I can't find the willpower to go to the college, let alone *try* and understand that stupid math class... Im so scared of failure and being on my own, and I have nobody in real life to help me with any of this... "I see, i'm scared... I'm scared this will fall, a part of me... Still believes we're meant to dream..."
  2. I would've posted this on the Don't Worry Wednesday section but felt that it's more suitable here. For the Don't Worry Wednesday podcast, the description states the date of live stream as May 9, 2017 instead of 2018. The descriptions that state the year as 2017 are the ones that are for "How do I Save Money?", "How do I find a place in this world?", "Friend Overstaying Welcome", and "Problem About a Friend". I think this should be fixed to the correct year.
  3. So, I know I already posted one topic, but something else came up recently as well.. that is to say- girls. So, i'm i college, and I got a girl's number for the first time on Tuesday. We haven't talked much, maybe once or twice, but she gave me her number with the line "uuuh, sure! I'm always down for some new friends!" So, i'm not sure how to feel about that... is that just because we haven't talked much? Or does she only see me as friend material, and I don't have a chance? I don't know what to do, or how to text her, or anything... She's really cute, and a hard worker, though.. i'm so confused and I don't know what to think, or what to do. I'm scared that I may be wasting my time and she only sees me as a potential friend...
  4. So, i'm in college now, and taking two classes for psychology. i've always had ADHD, i'm pretty lazy, and laid back. When something happens, I dont really worry too much anymore. I'm easily distracted and bored, and I have a hard time motivating myself to actually do the small tasks needed to complete a project. Unless I'm REALLY passionate about something, I have so much trouble focusing and getting stuff done without exact instructions, despite knowing I can fail the class if I don't step up... My motivation to do things always comes in short bursts, and I can't ever focus and get anything completely done, like when writing a paper, doing math homework, or just studying. I don't feel pressured to get things done like I used to, and I'm really not all that worried about my grades, or being successful in class. I just dont care enough. Every little task just doesn't feel appealing or necessary to me anymore, despite knowing how important it is. How can I fix this dumb flaw of mine, and actually get anything done? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!~ ----- (NOTE: I don't expect this to be answered on a DWW or something right away, as other people likely have more pressing issues that they need help with. I just thought i'd get this out there for now, as i'm really struggling with it. <3~)
  5. I know I come here often and I hate to take up your time but I just don't know what to do. This hole in my chest is getting bigger and I don't know how to stop it. I really don't. What do you do when you go through everyday wanting the worst? What am I supposed to do? I hate myself so much. Everyday goes by so slow and it feels like I can't walk on some days. This cloud over my head won't go away either. It got bigger sinse the last time I filled out a forum. The cloud got darker as the hole in my chest got bigger... Is this normal? This overwhelming hatred for myself and having to almost constantly fake how I feel can't be right... The mask is breaking and more people are noticing that I'm not right... And you know what? They're right. It's not right to want to die every day. It's not right to want to take your own life every day. How do I fix it though? I've let it get this bad so maybe I should just give up? I don't know any more... I have this voice at the back of my mind telling me horrible things that should hurt me, but I can't help but believe them at this point. I can't help but listen to the voice and I'm slowly giving up. I know I shouldn't, that I would hurt people if I left, but I can't help but feel that they would be better off without me...I just really don't know anymore...
  6. I have this friend over the internet. I've known him for about 2 years now. We're relatively close. We tell each other secrets, send random memes, and have a grand old time but gradually he's gotten more and more distant. He definitely hasn't had an ideal life. He has one parent, he used to struggle with drug abuse, he used to have self destructive tendencies, and he's been the hospital before from suicide attempts. I've never been super pushy with talking about these things and never forced him to talk about anything to make him uncomfortable. Most importantly he had this ex. His exboyfriend was a really really REALLY bad person. He encouraged my friend to be self destructive and do drugs even though he was trying to stay clean. The concerning point to me is this guy (pardon the serious topic) sexually assaulted him. He wasn't good influence or guy at all. He treated him like an object. Back to my friend being distant, he was very gradual slipping in the summer. He messaged me a little less and less everyday and I paid no mind to it. That was until he told me "Hey I got back with (gross ex name)". Immediately got ten million little red flags waving in my head. I asked "Are you serious? Despite how he treated you?" And he replied with "Oh I'm sure all of the things he did were one big misunderstanding" I'm sorry but encouraging your boyfriend to kill himself, convincing him to do some shady drugs, and rape aren't misunderstandings. Something was very very wrong. I'm all for second chances but this ex of his doesn't deserve it. Not after the pain he caused my friend. I don't trust him at all. From there, the distance became more evident. Like I said before I'm not one to force myself in but I've been constantly trying to break down this wall he built for the past month. I try to have a heart to heart with him but it never works. It feels like I'm talking to the wall again. I just need some advice. How am I supposed to deal with this? I'm at the end of my rope but there's no way I'm letting go. I can't give up on him
  7. How do I deal with this pain I feel? It's not even really pain, I feel numb. I feel hallow. Like there's a dark empty space in my chest where my heart used to be. Yes i still care for other, but i dont care about myself anymore. I walk through the day hoping for the worst. Wishing something, anything, would happen because I deserve it. I don't know how to deal with it anymore, ya know? It gets worse every day. Self loathing is a daily routine now and dark cloud hangs over my head. No one at school seems to notice my fake smile or my stupid fake laugh. You would think they would see it by now... My anxiety is always suffocating now and the weight of my depression feels like it's going to break my back... I just wish it would go away... Please help if you can (though I doubt you'll be able to). From, Breanna (Sorry if this was long...)
  8. Writing this out for the first time in a non-vent format is going to be difficult to keep brief. I had my friend in high school move in with me when she turned 18 to get away from her toxic, emotionally abusive and manipulative mother. It was getting to the point where she was unhealthily blocking out every negative aspect of her life with her mom there. They fought every day, and a lot of it I remember and she obviously doesn't. We've been friends for 7 years about. She's lived with me for 4 years, the last 8 months or so by ourselves. I pay for almost everything. The reason I've been letting this slide is that her job doesn't pay her very well. She still spends money elsewhere. She'll complain about not enough food, and then proceed to spend 100$ at Taco Bell in a week and complain again it's basically my fault for not having enough groceries. (We do have food enough to eat, she doesn't prepare any and she could have spent the money on groceries herself) And spent 100$ on new clothes, then complained the next day that I haven't had the money to get laundry done lately. Stuff like that I can't say almost anything without her just saying she'd rather kill herself "We really need to do laundry, I've been having to do it at my moms" "Well it's really hard supporting both of us sometimes" "YEAH I KNOW IM HORRIBLE I SHOULD JUST GO KILL MYSELF" And doesn't listen to me when I tell her she should just improve her situation. She never tries, she'd rather starve then clean a bowl for food, she's just that kind of person. One time I was drawing and she came out of the room and said, "What if I killed myself while you were at work and couldn't do anything about it?" and I called 911, but she had just gone to sleep after that. But I didn't want to have to go to work the next day, and just panic the entire shift. They offered her free counseling sessions and she refused. One time we were going to go to McDonalds, and all of a sudden at the door she said, "The other day I wanted to kill myself but I didn't want to bother you about it because you're always on Discord" and I broke down, left the house, and called the non-emergency number. I was tired of it, I wanted to just get her help once and for all, I was hoping she could go to a psych ward because she's wracking my brain and I don't know what else to do for her. The counselor was nice, but focused on me and told me I could call her any time. I didn't have the heart to say I probably couldn't manage to in the future, due to anxiety. She doesn't get help, it's frustrating. I shouldn't be just absorbing all of this from her every day by myself while she does nothing to improve anything. And I've only just realized this after years of her emotional abuse as well. I could make a list of abusive events and how much she's yelled at me. And with current, rather personal events, I'm actually beginning to realize, we aren't really suited to be friends either, and I hate that I'm starting to dislike her because it makes me feel bad. But I do know we need to separate. I'm obviously not what she needs, no matter how hard I've tried to be over these past years. She's manipulating me, I realize that now. She wants my attention when she can't get any in the moment, she wants to basically leech off of me because I let her. It was really difficult to accept this because again, I feel bad for thinking this way of a person. But yes, she's toxic, a gas lighter, and I really want to escape. I have my own anxiety and self-loathing to deal with, but I don't want her to end up dead because of me either. She lives with me so she wouldn't end up committing suicide from her mom's abuse. But she also complains about moving back to her mom if I nag her about something or have a little spat sometimes because she doesn't remember how bad it is with her. I'm sorry this was long winded, I knew it was going to be and I tried to shorten it, but I also wanted to express how just how much I'm confused, disoriented, and self-doubtful. I don't know what to do anymore.
  9. Hey All, figured I would just bring something up that I fight with. One of the things that I have struggled with for many years is this feeling of being alone. And frankly its not a good feeling. There's something about feeling like your are the only _______ that makes life less fun. Perhaps you're the only one who doesn't smoke in your friend group, or perhaps you don't have many/any friends. It makes life hard, and we weren't made to live this life alone. I going to bring in a Bible verse here, because why not? "Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him." Genesis 2:18. Frankly, I'm not here to give a sermon, but suffice to say that we weren't meant to be alone. The feeling of loneliness is not a pleasant feeling and it can be difficult at times, but its meant to feel that way. You aren't supposed to feel lonely you are supposed to go out and make friends, to spend life with other people. Whether or not those people are online or right in front of you is irrelevant. Just don't live it alone. It doesn't matter if someone's broken your trust. It doesn't matter if you aren't trustworthy. It doesn't even matter if you think that you are the only one where you are. I mean I currently live alone in the middle of a forest. Every one of my friends has gone out of state, or gotten married or, is just generally living life elsewhere. Therefore, I don't have a lot of friends where I live right now. There's people I know that live in town, but no one that I really talk to. So sometimes I feel like its just me. But you know what. I know that's not true. I mean after all, in the wise words of a Mr. Static-P "No one's in this alone. I wanna do my part. You can't see it, but they're fighting for you. Everyone of us is a weakling on our own. So I'm learning to trust, with you." I've done somethings that make it hard for me to trust people, which is another story for another day, but its one that will be told. But I'm so glad to have the people I have in my life. People that are fighting for me, even when I'm weak. And since everyone else is doing that for me. That's what I want to do for you folks. That is, the people of the BSS forum and beyond. I want to do my part. Cause no one is in this alone. I'm here if you want me to be. If you haven't already. Go check out the Don't Worry Wednesday Videos. Cause Static and the Betacat can words better than me. Until next time friends.
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