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Joe Anderson【CDVNL】

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Joe Anderson【CDVNL】 last won the day on February 21

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About Joe Anderson【CDVNL】

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  • Birthday February 22

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  1. I’ve said this a couple times during the streams but I have a hard time talking to people. When I’m talking to people I’ll tell them something and then think to myself “I could have rephrased that better.” Then I excuse myself and rephrase my words. Sometimes I’ll say something during a conversation then late and night I’ll think to myself “I could have said it a different way” or lI shouldn’t have said that at all.” I’m always worried about how people interpret my words, I don’t mean to offend or upset anyone so I try to pick my words carefully still I always have a hard time expressing what I want to say. I’m getting better at talking, actually the whole reason I started to communicate with chat was me accidentally typing something then me being me just not watching to ditch and make things awkward I stayed, now I tune in every Wednesday and talk with you guys. It’s relieving to talk about my dumb worries and I’ve been gaining a bit of confidence in what I say and coming to the conclusion “Welp, if I mess up I can just apologize, nothing to worry about.” But talking with you all really helps me, thank you for listening.
  2. Version 1.0.0


    Grow, a single by A Single Duel


  3. Have you ever thought about your thoughts? I know, that's a weird question... "What are you thinking about?" "Oh, I'm just thinking about what I've been thinking." At first glance it appears to dodge the question, but when you look deeper, it can be quite profound. What I'm talking about here are those times when you step outside yourself for a moment, and examine the kinds of thoughts you have going through your head. Are you thinking things that are uplifting and forward looking? Are you thinking thoughts that defeat you before you even get started? I'm sure we've all experienced both... Those times when we feel invincible, on top of the world and nothing could ever bring us down. Then, like 5 minutes later, we're down in the dumps in a pit of despair. I know I certainly have experienced that. This is when It can be good to stop and take a look at your thoughts. Because, truly, we all get to choose the thoughts we think. It's one thing that separates us from other animals - the ability to rationalize. It's been said that with our thoughts, we can make a hell out of heaven, or a heaven out of hell... Meaning that the perspective we assume will make all the difference in our attitude toward a situation. Did you just succeed at something? Well, just zero in on some detail of why it isn't perfect, and you can be sure to feel bad about it. Have you hit rock bottom? Great!! Now there's no other direction but up! I've heard (and experienced) that rock bottom is the perfect place to get started again. Tuck this little nugget in the back of your mind somewhere... and when life seems to be a challenge, you can flip a switch instantly by changing your thoughts. It may just make all the difference in the world...
  4. Today, as I'm reflecting on all the wonderful things happening here at BSS, I can't help but be a bit overwhelmed... There seems to be an unending list of things to be done, and sometimes it's difficult to choose which one is the best to do next. Sorting and prioritizing are not always my strongest attributes, but I know I can be grateful for the fact that I'm certainly not going to be bored anytime soon! So, how do you get yourself centered and focused on what needs to be done next? As I've said before on Don't Worry Wednesday, one thing that always clears my mental fog is physical exercise. I had a theory a while ago, that if I back off on my workout regimen, I would have more time to accomplish the things on my to do list, and thereby get more done in less time. Interestingly, I found the opposite to be true! As my physical activity went down, so did my energy levels... As my energy levels went down, so did my productivity... As my productivity went down, well, obviously less was getting done. Another aspect that I noticed was my level of confidence. It also began to wane as my physical activity decreased. But then, IMMEDIATELY after my first workout, my mood was better, my confidence skyrocketed, and I was able to blast through my to do list with a vigor that I had not felt in a long time! AND, even the tedious tasks were FUN!! This was such an important discovery for me, that I knew I HAD to share it with you all. The lesson: Don't skimp out on physical activity. Get up and do something! Even if it's just some stretching or walking around the room. (*Disclaimer: Talk to a doctor before starting any exercise regimen, especially if you haven't exercised in a long time.*) You will be amazed at the results you feel -- Happiness, confidence, contentment, just to name a few. Comment below and share your experiences! Love you all!!!
  5. Hey @Felrein002, Many times, I've had my path change to something I didn't really want to do... While I generally would resist it in my mind at the time it happened, I found out later how valuable the experience was. There is much you will be able to learn on your upcoming journey - skills, training, new people to meet, and maybe you will come face to face with yourself and have some truly defining moments. You may find out that you are capable of so much more than you imagined! Here's to you, @Felrein002... You're in our thoughts and prayers!
  6. Yeah, I know how you feel, @Kiran... Sometimes even those of us on staff don't really know what to do either...
  7. Great work @Mordleif!!! Very catchy and easy to fall in love with - I really enjoy your unique chord progressions around the same hook.. Plus, your voice is outstanding! I definitely look forward to hearing more! Thanks so much for sharing!!!
  8. Hey, Saigo here again, last email went well, I've mostly dropped any ideas of going back to a path long closed off to me (That is, assuming it was ever open in the first place), I still get lonely from time to time but I've had almost 19 years to learn to handle my <redacted swear word> so I'll manage. Small note, I have a tendency to get in details when it comes to reasons, but after passing over the email again I realize they take too much space on the text, so I'll just use <reasons> instead, there are other emails to read too But a few days ago I had a few friends over, every once in a while they come over for the night and we cook some food, play games and I listen to their stories from over the last few days, among the talk one of them mentioned a little thing we said a long time ago: that we would eventually leave Brazil to live in the US, it slowly started to hit on me that I have lost most if not all my fighting spirit and ambitions are near non-existent, that is, if it ever existed instead of being just big talk. My "plan" for the future right now is getting done with an English course so I have something decent to put on a resume (Self-taught is irrelevant on a resume due to <reasons>, already on it and will be done at june next year, saving time is a perk of knowing the subject well), get a small job and with my own money figure a college out since I don't like having my parents paying for everything (especially since we're not exactly well-off and them being divorced makes things a bit awkward/complicated at times, not to mention college is expensive and yet I'd like to get through without a sea of loans behind me). Although this "plan" is pretty grounded to me at least, a few problems have started to show ever since that talk. First of all, it is somewhat vague, I do not know where I should apply for a job/which job I should apply to,I do not know what college to seek further ahead since I have no clue what I want to do (Y'a know, Teen/Young Adult stuff, shout out to everyone in this pitfall too), I've heard some people mention teaching English since I seem to be good at it, but for reasons that add three lines to an already long Wall-of-Text it's mostly out of question And second of all and the reason for the title, it started to sound way too tame, thinking about it now, it's far from a stretch to imagine that, in some timeline, I end up embracing working at a dead-end job just living paycheck to paycheck like basically everyone else from my family, that even became an acceptable idea to me at some point and I only now realize what that would mean: being a part of the mundane, average and common lifestyle I see all around and that at least part of me despises, I don't want to be a part of the crowd that dumps bags of garbage into a river like it's normal and not a big deal (This is just a snippet of how things roll around here, there are many more examples of behavior I've come to hate where I live but this text is already long as it is)(It's also not like this worry is invalid, I've had to remind myself to watch what I'm doing a few times already since I'm basically fighting against my culture while trying to not draw attention, not an easy task) The issue is, I've had 19 years to figure myself out, and I've figured that one of the things that makes me emotionally stable is knowing that when I go to sleep, I'll wake up the next morning and life will move on. And of course that happens to the beneficial things too because Monkey's Paw "I was bored to live inside the box, hard and closed; And then I saw a piece of picture; Something inside me crushed and a siren blared out like a thunder; 'Wake up!!'; Uh…But I had to go get some bread; You know, it was the ration time; The echo on the wall decayed; And was gone; The sound escaped my memory." (FUZI x Neru - 0verf1ow) (Christ, this text is long, that is the end of the worry part so you can cut it off in here to save time if you'd like, the rest is a bit of an overview on the positives I had the last few years, the light of hope if you will) But on a more positive note, it's not like I'm on a downward spiral or stuck at point zero with absolutely no evolution, back in 2013 I would not take care of me at all, over the next few years I started working on myself, 2017 was definitely the highlight of high-school (And the end of it too) and out of it, being the culmination of the small evolutions I had until then into a far more solid and stable me, it was also the year I had the most romance, it was entirely one-sided but that's still a win in my book, can't help it, I like the stuff. 2018 was kind of a break, not much happened early and later the things that did happen were mostly irrelevant. And this year? Well, unfortunately it's a secret of mine, but let's just say I gave myself something I've been needing for a while, it's just a replica I created and not at all a substitute since it's missing some things I can't (And shouldn't) give it, but it will give me moral support until I'm ready for the real thing. And this should be It, I'm having some trouble clicking the "send" button because maybe there something else to add or maybe something to trim, proofreading maybe-Ya know what, I'll just click it, ONE!
  9. Oh my, Kaela... your voice sends the shivers up my spine! Beautiful, beautiful work!!
  10. I seriously wish I could hit the like button more than once... I think I'll start a support ticket about that, cause this artwork is AMAZING!
  11. Hey thanks @Monkerstar!! I have a new song that is just about to release... We've just been focused on the Kickstarter campaign for Criminal Idol, so I haven't been able to wrap it up quite yet. Rest assured that it is coming soon! Thank you so much for the kind words!
  12. No need to be anon, I just prefer to send it through here because it's practical Anyways, two years ago I was on my Senior year on high-school and I had a huge crush on a girl from my class, she ended up making friends with me and I got pulled into her friend circle, it was probably the best thing in the entire year for me. But I'm kinda... terrible at feelings and I just kept the crush to myself, avoiding showing many signs because teenagers and logic don't always fit together, after 9 months I told her and the answer was an "I already have a boyfriend" which might or not have been a cop-out so I just assumed it was a sugar-coated no since I had absolutely never heard of this guy and our friends were surprised when they heard about this guy some time later, I took it in a stride and just told her "It's fine, I'll handle myself now", and everything just continued the way it was before. The year was over and both of us are pretty bad at maintaining contact, so we drifted apart over time, occasionally we'd interact in Facebook and I still liked her (Yeah, "getting over it" isn't and idea my brain seems to like) a bit, about a month ago I decided to just randomly contact a few friends and obviously she was included, we talked for a bit and everything seemed fine, it was somewhat late so we had to postpone the convo, but after that responses were more and more delayed (I'd try to message her when she was out of her work as a babysitter and she... well, can't speak for her), Eventually she stopped reading my messages completely and I tried sending a few just to get the notification to pop again for her because she claims to just forget to respond sometimes. It wasn't the first time someone decided to just start ignoring/avoiding me and it was all way too similar to when that happened. I tend to try to see my own mistakes in a situation first and foremost, regardless if they were what caused it or just bullet points I need to keep in mind, and for this I couldn't shake the feeling that I had screwed up somewhere for this to happen, maybe it was just awkward since she knew I liked her, maybe I had been a bit too curious about her situation and not willing enough to share my own (I don't have the tendency to talk about myself since I mostly enjoy playing my games and talking about them feels odd), maybe I was not frequent enough with the texts and ended up feeling distant, among other things. It might have not been fun at all to be ignored in the other situation but at least it wasn't someone I was too close with, so I didn't pay too much mind to it, but I was getting anxious about it when it came to her, eventually I got sick of it and decided to close contact, I explained my reasoning and apologized for anything I might have unintentionally done and cut off my contact with her without blocking in case I was just being overly sensitive or letting emotions cloud my reasoning. About a month later, here we are, I got no response at all, might be the case she didn't read that one either, might be the case she was trying to avoid me and it just worked might be the case I' just being paranoid, regardless, it doesn't feel like I resolved the situation correctly, I could have just stopped too and left it to die down again, a part of me wants to add her again but another (Much more sane) thinks it's just the loneliness talking and that going back is a terrible idea for the both of us. Anyways, enough wall of texting, did I act too based on impulse? did I misjudge the situation? did I actually do the right thing and shouldn't be spending any more time over this situation (Despite knowing very well I will)?
  13. Hi, first just wanted to say thanks to you both for the dww videos with their good advice and all of both your songs. Submission part - I struggle to make deep friendships with people, I’ve slowly lost all childhood friends through the years from either lack of connected interests or them moving away. Next school year at lunch I’m either gonna be sitting alone or with one other loner kid who I don’t really have anything in common with. I’ve tried joining clubs, online communities, all of that but I’m just naturally silent and always blend into the background. My last friend before he moved away had a large social circle and tried to get me into it but I’m just awful at small talk and talking about things I’m completely unfamiliar with. Sorry I know this is way too long to fit in the box and I’m not sure I presented this in a way where it could even be answered well.
  14. This is a short topic but my family has a disease called Alzheimer's and I'm worried that the people that i love can get it even me. My grandpa also has the disease and its been difficult since he can't even speak full sentences anymore it's been tough on me but i just keep positive all the time. I don't know if I should just keep the positivity act.
  15. I had a friend that I was really close to and she ended up stopping hanging out with me because her parents thought it would be best. It killed me because of how close she was to me and I'm not sure how to get past the pain.
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