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Blue Hemlock

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About Blue Hemlock

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  • Birthday August 15

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  1. I'm afraid of my family

    Thank you. I can't really explain, but that really helped. It's nice to have someone show they value you, especially if they don't even know you.
  2. I'm afraid of my family

    Hi To begin, I've just gotten through an SAT where my parents had me study for months. I think the practice helped, but my parents would consistently have me practice ~4 hours a day. Come a few days before the test, I was very stressed, and my parents made it worse by insulting me, calling me lazy, stupid, a waste of time, and constantly reining me that if I didn't do well, my future was ruined. This comes from the family that all went to Ivy league schools, while I don't think I'll be able to make one. This, coupled with reminders that I would be nothing without them, and that I can't do anything for myself, seriously damaged my self-esteem. I'm not depressed, but I don't see a point in doing this, I try hard and only receive insults and sometimes physical threats. School is stressful but home is worse, I'm getting sick of it, and I don't know what to do, or if I can do anything. Also, my dad, when very angry, would throw things at me, topple chairs I would sit in, and pushed me up against a wall and yelled at me, all for not being good enough. This makes me afraid that he will carry out the threats when he makes them, he's the thing I'm most afraid of, and that really makes me unhappy, I just want to feel appreciated.
  3. Am I just an ingrate?

    Thanks for all your advice, I guess you all agree the best course is just to deal with it for now. That seems reasonable. One interesting thing is Felrein, with the "lazy start". That's something to think about, as, if I never needed to work to provide for myself, is it fair to expect something else of me, only more intensely? Either way thanks again.
  4. Am I just an ingrate?

    I could certainly put it in harsher terms, but I'm often criticized for not being considerate, largely by my family. To put it into context, grew up in upper-middle class family, never went to bed hungry, life is nice. However, with this I'm expected to perform extremely well in math, as was my sister (who is now in Harvard-three cheers!). How well? I'm talking finishing AP calc BC with an A in high school freshman year. Anyway, this comes with definite pressure to perform above all of my classmates. If I don't, say I get a B on a test, usually I get the "I expect more of you". Lately though, it's gotten more direct. "We're wasting money on you", "You're a disappointment", "You might as well just join the navy, because I won't pay for anything below Harvard","Why can't you be like your sister?"(Who hasn't heard this one?), or just yelling, twice, borderline physical abuse, but not past that. Naturally, after that I feel less than happy, but I just wanted to know, should I just grin and bear it because they keep me fed and housed, or am I right to sometimes bloody hate them for putting me under this pressure, with never having liked math? TL;DR- Expected to perform much higher than standard in math and berated heavily for not meeting expectations, ungreateful or validated? Sorry for the text wall.
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