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Sumner Kagen

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Sumner Kagen last won the day on January 10

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About Sumner Kagen

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  • Birthday 05/26/2000

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  1. There is a belief that in order to find God we must see first how everyone else sees him, and what they think on the matter. We must search the key to it all in the bible, but wait, that doesn't quite give the whole picture, hmmm.... Perhaps King Georges? Oh, no that isn't quite right either. So it must be the old testament, wait no the new testament...The Quran? UGH none of this even makes any sense! And so, we go in circles around and around and around trying to find the right answer, trying to find what feel right in our heart, the piece of the puzzle that will fill that missing space perfectly and allow us to see the whole picture. The problem is that you're just grabbing handfuls of pieces and trying to see which one fits, when if you just looked inside, you would know how the piece is shaped. What I am saying with all of this is that you must look inside yourself, and inside your soul and search THERE for God, because that's where the little rascal was hiding all along. He wasn't waiting around the corner of some ancient cathedral, or hiding in the pages of some dusty tome, he was with you the entire time, looking over your shoulder with a curious look on his face wondering what you were looking for so hard. Find out what god means to you by listening to what your heart tells you. That's the only way you can be completely satisfied with the answer.
  2. It okay Bug, I think most everyone here is at least a little shy, so you should blend in just fine!
  3. Welcome to the club Bugs! Like my friend Joe here said, feel free to ask for help and/or just chat, all of us here are indeed quite friendly, so don't be shy!
  4. WOOHOO! I want to give a congratulation to all of the winners, and a big thank you to all participants, it takes a lot of courage to put your heart out like that. Let's make next year even better!
  5. It is easy for us to put a hold on the things we want to do because of fear. Fear that we might get hurt, we might get rejected, it might not be perfect, and so on. The monkey mind is an expert at creating excuses, at stopping you from taking a risk. Your Ego has been doing it to you for as long as you've been alive. The chatter and excuses can be constant, and hard to ignore, but you can't let them stop you.
  6. You know, I once heard this story about a King. Now, this King wasn't a very wise King, kind to his subjects, yes, intelligent and fair? Most certainly. Wise however...not so much. However, he was wise enough to know that among his many advisors, he had one in particular that was very wise indeed. So wise was this advisor, in fact, that the King brought him everywhere he went and constantly asked for his ver wise opinion. Now, come one morning and the very plump king gave a great big stretch and yawn as he got out of bed and slid on his Royal slippers so he could walk on the cold Royal marble floor and have a big Royal morning feast. Unfortunatly, with one wrong step- *boom* the Royal buttocks hit the floor and the King gave a great big wail of pain as his arm hit the floor and broke, sneding a loud *crack* through the air. The entire castle could hear the Kings painful howls. The first thing that the King did before even calling for the Doctor or the Queen, was say, "Advisor! Advisor come quick!" And quick indeed did the advisor come, at the kings side with a gasp of surprise. "My King! What has happened?" "Advisor, look at my arm, it has broke!" The advisor, ever wise was he, hummed for but a moment before exclaiming to the King with the upmost certainty: "Ah, my King, do not worry. For this is a good thing!" The King didnt very much like that response. With a howl of anger and another of pain the King roared, "A good thing? How dare you, when I am in so much pain! Guards! Take him away!." And so the Advisor was taken down all the way to the dungeon and with a *clunk* he was imprisoned by himself. The Kings arm was put in a cast and for two whole weeks he was confined to his bed, before eventually he became fed up with the confinement and called for the Royal Horses. In short time the Kinf was gallopping through his Kingdom, until eventually he arrived in foreign lands. He was galloping along but suddenly slowed down his horse (who was named Sir Horsius Esquire III), for he had spotted an absolutely beautiful white deer. Unfortunately, while the King had an excellent eye for exotic wildlife, it wasnt quite so keen at spotting branches. But, spot a branch he did! Unfortunatly, it was much too late to stop and he proceeded to make woodpeckers and caprenters everywhere jealous. The Kings embarrasment didnt last long however, fir the monent he hit the ground he was very quickly captured by a tribe of hungry cannibals! They took the King back to their village and began preparing a very large fire, a great big skewer, and ritual dances and drums. The King sat in a small but, the cacophoney outside and the fate that awaited him driving him mad with fear. ...meanwhile, the Royal Advisor still sat in the prison cell, calmly sipping at a bowl of gruel. Eventually the Cannibals were prepared and began to drag the King to the fire. The King, understandably not enjoying the direction his relationship with these people was going, struggled the entire way. Just before the put the King on the skewer, the cast on his arm came off, and suddenly everything stopped. The cannibals stopped dragging him to the fire, the drums stopped beating and everyone gave a collective sigh of disappointment. The King was not pure, they could not sacarifice him. The cannibals wasted no time in depositing the King back on top of his horse and giving it a good smack. Once the King arrived back at his Castle, he wasted no time in going to the dungeons and seeing his advisor. "Advisor! I am very sorry for what I have done, when I broke my arm and you said it was a good thing I could not see how!" He then proceeded to tell his Advisor of everything that had happened. "But Advisor, you have been unjustly imprisoned for two weeks, how is that a good thing?" The advisor, ever so wise, simply said with a smile on his face, "Well my King, I go everywhere with you. Had I not been in this cell than I would have been eaten instead!"
  7. How to heal. Well I'll tell you right off the back, it's not easy. Avoiding actions that require trusting others is quite literally the opposite of what you should be doing. You know the saying about how a few rotten apples spoils the whole bunch? Well that doesn't apply here. Doing that will only further reinforce the pain and fear. Instead, you should seek out actions that require trust (they don't have to be big ones, simple things like the breakfast at the cafeteria will do just fine), because becoming the type of person that never asks for help isn't easy, and no man is an island (trust me (hah!) on this one, speaking from personal experience here). At the root of it, you're avoiding trusting others because you are afraid of being hurt again. By deliberately taking actions that require trusting others you are telling yourself that you're stronger than the fear and pain (and you are stronger! Even if you don't feel like it). You should try to remain positive and focus on the lessons you learned from the experience. Now this doesn't mean that you should start trusting those same people again, use your noggin! The people that betrayed you aren't likely to have a sudden change of attitude and suddenly become trustworthy. With that said, people do change, and they can change quickly at that. So while you should be cautious around those same people, don't be afraid to let them explain themselves. Then, if you can find it in your heart to forgive them, then you should do so. As even if from then on you never speak or see each other again, forgiveness is the final stage of healing and growth. I want to congratulate you! Because simply by sending this message to Princess (and by extension, everyone on this forum and in the stream) you have started your first act of deliberate trust . Try not to rush yourself on the healing process, and be kind to yourself. The first person that you should forgive is yourself, the others can come later.
  8. There is an idea that I follow, and it is called 'Investing in yourself'. The premise is that knowledge and skill is something which could never be taken away from you, whereas a fancy computer, job, home or food can be. Even if you were to lose literally every single possession of yours, all the way down to the clothes on your back, you would still have you knowledge. Some advice, instead of paying for something that will 'give you an edge on job hunting', instead, look for something that is a job in and of itself - that is, something which requires no employer. Examples of this would be running an online business, or an in-demand skill which would pay per project, or per client rather than per hour. As well, as you're looking for a mentor, you need to be careful that they aren't going to steal your money. Look to see, are they wealthy? Did they acquire the majority of that wealth through the skills they will be teaching you? Do they have a large number of students who also achieved wealth using what they teach and do they offer a guarantee?. Many a people end up getting scammed out of large sums of money and time because they weren't careful. If you learn a valuable skill that can give you large amounts of money, then it isn't a problem if your Father pays for it, because you could easily repay him with interest after you master this skill. Also, there is a difference between spending money, saving money, and making money. If you are sure that an opportunity will earn you more money than what you spent on it, then it's a no-brainer. Don't be afraid to spend money to make money, don't be afraid to take risks, and don't be afraid to fail. If you are saving money and it is sitting in the bank, then you are losing money (inflation) so don't be afraid to invest it (Whether that's in yourself or something else) either. Really it comes down to your own judgement and if you think the opportunity is worth the risk. Feel free to seek wisdom from people that are a lot more qualified than I am in these matters.
  9. I had a somewhat similar experience to the two of you in High School. I would easily ace anything I put a modicum of effort into (and didn't just leave blank because I didn't care enough to write an answer), never bothered to study, and finished my homework before class ended. While I never had the experience you've had, Hailey, of friends criticizing me for being gifted (That's because I didn't have any friends to share my grades with) and I never had the experience of not raising my hand because the other students would get upset (I didn't raise my hand because I was too shy to and afraid of getting it wrong), I would still like to offer the two of you my two-cents. For you Hailey, I think you need to find some new friends. A friend should be ecstatic for your success just as much as they are for theirs, and they should be constantly pushing each other to be better. It sounds like to me the people you call friends would be better off left as classmates or peers - They don't deserve to be close to you and you have the freedom and right to revoke that privilege (Especially if they ever try to get you to do their homework or class work (Simply asking for help is another matter, but you shouldn't be doing their work for them, simply guiding them.)) Take a close look at everyone you call friend and decide which ones build you up, and which tear you down. Surrounded by people who support you and share your mentality, you will be much happier. For you @Netto Hikari, try to to coast through High School, and life in general. From my own personal experience, you're gonna regret it. I know you've probably heard it before, but it's true. I'm only 19 (20 in May) and I regret all of the time that I wasted, which could've been spent doing many much more productive things. I have similar advice for you as I did Hailey, try to surround yourself with people who will push you to succeed, and be the best versions of yourselves that each of you can be. In addition, find a goal, or a passion. Something that lights a fire in your heart which you can dedicate your able mind to pursuing.
  10. Hey, @VEGΛ, I agree with ScienceRocks here. That is an absolutely amazing goal to have, and props to you for having the guts to pursue your dream, as most people don't. I won't lie to you and say that it will be easy, or that you'll blow past all of the obstacles in your way (the biggest being yourself), because it won't be. However, following your passion and accomplishing your goals will be the most satisfying thing that you will ever do in your life. Never forget your dreams and hold them always in your heart. My advice for you would be to start with yourself. Never stop striving to be the best version of you that you can be. You will need a vast array of skills and qualities to achieve your dream, but anything you don't already have can be carefully cultivated through disciple, care, a keen eye (for challenges, opportunities, yourself, and others) and hope. You will need to know how to handle money (Try: 'Think and Grow Rich', 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad', and 'F.U Money'), you will need to know how to lead (Try 'Extreme Ownership'), among many others. You will need the right mindset, a healthy body (physical exercise, mental exercise (Meditation)), constant ambition and strive to be better, and a deep love of self, so that you will care not what others say or think. Write down your dream(s) in as much detail as possible, and look at it thrice daily. Immediately after waking up, some time in the afternoon, and immediately before sleeping. As you read your dreams/goals, visualize them having already come into fruition, feel the emotions of having accomplished you dream and living your best life. Anytime you can't push forward, return to that paper, and let your dream empower you to keep striving up the mountain. Try to find a mentor, someone who has already accomplished what you hope to achieve and seek their guidance. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and try to find a support group of like minded people who can help you achieve your goal. When we are surrounded by people who work hard, we too are pushed to work even harder.
  11. Well I think that the answer to your question really depends on the exact situation. Legally, it's perfectly acceptable to stop supporting your child after they become of age, period. Morally/socially is a bit different. However, from my point of view, all that really determines whether this should be done or not, is the personality between the two people (just as an example, I'm not saying anything about you by using it, I think it would be acceptable for a parent to do that to their child if said child was, say, a narcissist, or a terrible criminal), as well as the relationship between the two. Just as you can't expect a random stranger to pay for your rent, you can't expect a person that doesn't even like you to do the same, even if they did raise you. I can't really give you a direct answer without know more about the situation, but ask yourself this: Does it really matter? At some point everyone is gonna have to take on these burdens, whether that's at 18 years of age or 50 years, it doesn't really make a difference. My advice to you, would be to practice self-disciple, learn how to handle money (Try the book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad. By Robert Kiyosaki), manage your time effectively (No browsing social media for hours on the toilet!), get a bicycle (the exercise will give you more energy), eat healthy foods (Better fuel for your body = more energy, and longer lasting at that), and try to find a job that will teach you valuable skills which can be applied to whatever field you are majoring in. Try not to worry so much about everything, life tends to work out just fine no matter how much you worry, and the stress won't do you any good. You've got this in the bag, I believe in you!
  12. I believe that the main difference between destructive and constructive criticism is almost entirely based in wording. Constructive criticism will be long, well thought out ideas that focus on improving the idea, rather than degrading it. Destructive criticism tends to be more along the lines of how to fix a problem, whereas constructive is more towards what the problems are. I'm finding it difficult to explain, so here's an example: Say you are part of a writing group, and someone asks you to read their story. Destructive criticism would say: "What you wrote there was really stupid, do this instead, That plot twist was very obvious, it would have made more sense if that character did this instead...etc." On the flip side, constructive criticism would say something more along the lines of: "As I was reading this part I felt bored, when so-and-so said this I felt a little confused about what they mean't. When that plot twist happened I wasn't surprised at all." It's quite a fine line to tread, and even the examples I gave here could be shifted to be more constructive/less destructive, but hopefully this was enough to give you a good sense of the difference between the two.
  13. The dark night of the soul. Something I'm quite familiar with, as I have been suffering through it as well. I've been going through difficult times since May, and have been suicidal since late September, so trust me when I say that I know the pain you're going through. It can be terribly difficult to stay strong through the pain, but stay strong you must, because, as I like to say, the night is always darkest before dawn. Free will is our power, free will is our might, the ability to make free choice is one of the defining characteristics of us as humans. The choice to end things because 'well what is the point of it all anyway?' The choice to drown in the black because it's to much struggle to swim to the surface, the choice to lay down your spear, as you never much liked fighting anyways, and it's so much easier to just quit. But there is always more than one choice, and more than one path. You have the choice to keep pushing through because you've suffered too hard, lost too much, and fought for too long to give up now, quitting now would make all of that pain pointless! You have the choice to doubleforth your effort, you have the choice to push through the inky ocean and finally see the glorious sun and stars on the other side. That's all it is really, a simple choice. You have to choose to keep fighting, because the devil is tricky. The devil will try to undermine your faith, he will try to stop you at every turn, because he is everywhere. He is the thoughts of fear, anger, pain, and sadness that flood your mind in every empty moment. The thoughts that you think are your own, but are in truth his that he put there to cause you to drift. He is the naysayers and the critics that say it's impossible. The devil is even the hope to find a love that will fill that void in your heart. But the love of another isn't enough to fill the pit. The only thing that can cure your pain is the love of the self. Become again like a child, open eyes and heart, filled with limitless curiosity. Find your passion, your calling, something you can do which ignites that spark in your heart. Find that thing, and it will serve as the antidote to your poison. Quantum physics proves that we attract that which we think, do and feel. If you focus on the pain then it's like putting on a pair of goggles, in which all you will see is more reasons to be hurt and angry. You have to focus on the beauty of life. Find reasons to be grateful and incorporate it into your schedule, each day and night thank god for all the things you have in your life that you take for granted, and allow that feeling of gratefulness to fill you with each word. Don't even think about telling me you don't have anything to be grateful for because you do. Do you have food to eat? A roof over your head? A bed to sleep in and a computer and phone? Do your eyes allow you to see the beautiful sky? Can you hear the sounds of nature, taste wonderfully delicious foods and smell the morning air? Even the pain you are currently suffering through, and the challenges that are presented to you are something to be grateful for, because through pain we grow stronger (no pain, no gain as they say). There is always something to be grateful for, you just have to be willing to find it. The things that no longer serve you are being taken away from you, because room must be made for the wonderful things coming your way. Focus not on your grief, but instead, on who you are becoming through the suffering. Focus on the lessons learn't along the way and not the things lost. If you go to your friends with your troubles and they only see you as a burden because of it then they were not friends worth having, or truly friends in the first place. A friend is someone that will stand by you through your pain, someone who will comfort you when you're hurt, and someone that will be a shoulder to lean on when you can't bare to take another step - Not someone who would criticize you for a moment of weakness, for we all have those moments in our lives. If you feel like crying, allow the tears to come. If you desire to scream at the top of your lungs in frustration then let forth the howl. Allow yourself to full feel the emotions, allow yourself to release them, because keeping them bottled up inside only continues to poison your soul. This was a bit rambly, but hopefully you find a positive message within it that will give you the strength to keep pushing.
  14. I agree with Karma as far as a course of action goes, so I'll try to help you ease your worry. First off, do not be afraid of your own fear, for denying it will not make it go away, it will only compound until you become paralyzed by it. Accept the fear, and thank the fear. It is your body and mind warning you of potential danger, but it should not cause your stride to falter, because that would defeat it's purpose of protecting you. Allow the fear to be and act with rational thought and calm mind in spite of it. If you feel it taking control of you, then sit and practice a few square breaths until you feel the gentle calm of being present in the moment. 4 seconds in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold (It's the same breathing technique that seals and such use, so you know it works ). If, when you arrive at school the shooting does come to pass, then do not panic. stay calm and focused. You will want to keep an eye out for panicking crowds, try not to get trampled. Arm yourself if you can. Your number one priority is staying alive and screw anyone else. Your life is the most important thing that you have, do not be afraid to or guilty of protecting it. If you're the praying sort you could pray to God, Jesus, or Archangel Micheal for protection and courage/strength (If you would like to pray, but don't have one, I have provided the one I personally use in moments of doubt in the spoiler box below). Fear not the future, for it is ever shifting, and worry not the past, for it is eternal. The only moment is the now.
  15. People are right when they say that you must love yourself before you love others, because you cannot give what you do not have. You're question is how to know when you love yourself, but to answer that you first have to define what loving oneself even is. To love yourself is to accept yourself, both the negative and the positive, completely and without judgement. To love oneself, is to be a child. To return to the time of your younger years when you acted completely free, filled with joy, hope and passion. To love yourself is to act without thought of how others may perceive your actions, to behave as if the world loves you unconditionally. You have to relearn the skill of being unshackled from societies expectations, from decorum or culture, from peers and superiors - To not even think of them, because they do not truly matter. Once you define what loving yourself is, the question then becomes how do you learn to love yourself if you do not? Well, it's certainly not easy, but nothing worth having ever is. In order to love something, you have to understand it, to know it completely. So that becomes the first step, to understand oneself. This is done by taking time out of your day to examine your thoughts and actions with an observers eye. Think about moments where you felt strong emotions and break them down step by step. For example, say that you feel jealousy because someone that you like was with another. In your moments of silent contemplation you break down the situations and your train of thought, you ask the question why, then once you get your answer, ask it again and again until you get to the root. Why did I feel jealousy? I felt jealousy because I see them as better than me. Why do I see them as better than me? I see them as better than me because I think I'm weak. Why do I think I'm weak and so forth. However, you must be careful that in this process you view the situation with an unfiltered lens. Hold no bias towards anyone or anything, you must be critical and honest with yourself. Remember that you are doing this for your own benefit, so that you may live a happier, more satisfied life, and hiding things or shifting events accomplishes nothing but wounding yourself further. So then, when you understand yourself, how do you begin to love? Well that's rather simple really. It's all about choice and perspective. You simply choose to love yourself, you choose to see yourself and the truly unique and amazing being that you are. You shift your perspective to focus on your positive aspects which will in turn amplify them, and create a domino effect of incredibly wholesome love. The previous step is crucially important however, because you must be fully aware of your thoughts, actions and beliefs throughout the day. There's a saying that you must treat others the way you want to be treated, but there is a second side to that: You must also treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
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