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Keaton

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Keaton last won the day on May 9

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About Keaton

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  • Birthday 06/15/1990

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  1. Keaton

    Keaton

  2. ahhh I'm so sorry Chicken and Joe Joe. ^^ I hope yall are doing very well. Things been going well for you Chicken? School nearing the end for you yea?
  3. Hey Science! First things first! Congrats! You are learning . Very proud of you. You are seeing improvement in yourself. Second thing is this, you don't have to be anything yet. You are enough. Now, then, and in the future. Who you are is always enough. However, the you were yesterday isn't the same you you are today. We are always changing. Growing and learning. People around us are constantly changing with us. We act off them and they off us. We all hit road blocks. Sometimes it is harder for us to reach inside of ourselves and take care of another person. Sometimes, we just aren't strong enough to handle those things ourselves. We may want to be all that everyone needs, but that just isn't how life works. We will all have our weak days. We will all have our days where we feel like we can take on the world and do everything...only to sleep through your alarms, trip on your way to the car, and just flail about during the day. It just happens. You cannot be expected to be on top of your game all the time. You can't be expected to KNOW everything either. You can't be expected to just be "there yet", as you put it. There is no time limit for improvement. I learn something new everyday. I am constantly becoming more of who I'm meant to be with every passing hour. I find newer ways to approach and deal with, not only other people, but myself as well. You see all of the things that you perceive as wrong with you. You get angry, you can't understand others as well every time, you say you are emotionally reckless. I read those and all that tells me is that you are human. You are learning, changing, growing. You are improving. With every step you take you are becoming more and growing stronger. You will make mistakes, you won't understand some things. That's fine. Learn from those. Everything in life that happens can be viewed as a lesson. Good or bad. Don't measure your value or worth based on what you can't do right now. Take that information and teach yourself ways to not do it and try for a different approach. Never stop trying. Never stop growing. You are already doing such a fantastic job. With every post I read from you, with every comment you make on the stream, I see growth. I see you becoming more. You are enough Science. Never forget that. With a loving heart, Keaton
  4. Hey Joe Joe! I kinda wanted to offer a little something with this. When those that don't want help resist those that like to offer it, best thing to do is to change your approach. Sometimes, just talking to them as a friend can actually be enough. Speaking about your own problems can also give them a sense of ease. Like, hey this person obviously has been through things too...maybe I can open up a little more to them. Often times those reaching out don't even want advice. They long for a connection. Someone to walk through their problems with them. The best thing that can happen through that journey is when they decide to reach out instead. They will feel like you aren't their to just help and run. They can feel that you want to just be there. Helping or not. Being there is one of the most important things for those that are struggling. When they open that door to you is when you can finally begin helping them heal. It can't be forced. It has to be on their own terms or nothing good will come from it. Tough love can go a long way when used correctly, but you have to get them to see WHY they need it first. Walking the line with them, not dragging them through it. Working with them, not pushing them to the end. It is a dance of sorts. One step forward, one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. A pace must be set and soon the answers will fall around you both. Much love! I hope this might help them in the future Keaton
  5. Don't let cats hear you say that lol. Her be devasted. But my cats are my babies. So no can do haha. And mine are usually 5 minute intervals. I Have a little ocd thing with numbers. Not the best thing in the world for making alarms
  6. Lol saaaaaame. I have to switch up the intervals of when they go off all the time just to keep me on my toes and lord help me if a cat is sleeping on my phone (which has happened numerous times).
  7. I have to set like 6 alarms just to make sure I'm moving at the pace i need to be hate it soooo much lol Hope you are doing well chicken
  8. The most important thing you can do, at this time, is to stop lying as much as possible. Lying only accomplishes one thing, and that's making things harder and more difficult for yourself and those around you. Staying true to yourself and others is most important. I understand that it can be difficult. It's easier to try and be someone else and have that person be disliked than to be who you really are and have someone dislike the real you. The thing is, that isn't what is important. You are who you are. People will either love you or just move on away from you. No one's opinion matters over your own in regards to yourself. Ever. We don't live for others approval. We only have ourselves at the end of the day. I would suggest reflecting on who YOU feel YOU truly are. Search within yourself to find who you want to be and make the strides to make that person happen. You have already made much progress. I'm sure you can see what wonders you can truly create by just being you and doing what it is that you love. When you feel yourself trying to lie to others or yourself, step back. Take a physical step back if that helps even. Think for a moment before going in that direction again. Once you fall into lies it is so very difficult to pull yourself back out. Wanting and craving attention and support isn't really a bad thing either. It's human nature to want to be loved on and tended to. We want to be surrounded by caring people and crave to be warm with those around us. During the good times as well as the bad. We want positive attention. So don't feel too upset about wanting such. However...with that, you've began to cling to the negative and bad bringing about more support and comfort. It isn't as noticeable when things are going well, but that doesn't mean it isn't still there. Pay attention to the little things as much as you can. I'm sure you will begin to see more and more goodness blossom around you. People don't just reach out and support you when you aren't feeling 100%. We don't just decide to ignore you once you are happy again. We are always still here. Good, bad, happy, sad. Doesn't matter. Friends are a constant source of warmth in your life. Smile brighter knowing that, if you can. You aren't defined by your lies. You are more than what you convince yourself to be. The you that you are is far better than any lie you (or anyone) can ever create. It is easy to hide behind false words. It's easy to just say whatever and move on with your life. It's just easy to make something up and deal with whatever may come later. It's work to create bonds. It's work to create connections (true connections) with people. When you are upset (or lying about being such), you will see people reaching out more to you. To offer you comfort or whatever you feel you may need. It's the easy way out basically. I am sorry for just saying such, but it really is like that. Friendships/relationships all take work. We have to be true to ourselves to make the full leap. Otherwise you are just protecting yourself in the end. You can't build up more with anyone if you are constantly changing your story or lying to yourself about what is going on in your head. Try to see that lying is never going to make you or anyone else happier. You are who you are meant to be. That is all we can ever be in life. If people don't care for you or dislike what you are doing, who cares? They are not what define you. YOU are the only person that can say who you are and who you will be. YOU are the only person that can direct your life. YOU are the only person that matters most in YOUR life. You already see what you are doing. That's the first big step. You already know what direction you need to take to better yourself. All that is left is taking that leap. Take that leap into who you are meant to be. Take that leap with your head held high KNOWING that you are being true to yourself first. You don't need others to tell you how great you are (though we will continue to do so). If you feel like you may need to lie more, please, I encourage you to catch your breath first and rethink. I urge you to stop lying to yourself because you can't be truly happy until you do. You can't decide what it is you are truly passionate about until the lies are no longer clouding your mind. You can't grow past what has happened when you are so focused with covering up every little lie that happens. No one can. Continue to reach out if you feel yourself slipping. You aren't alone through any of this. If you need a little positive everyday just to help, I will send you a little something every morning. Anything to help you keep away from the lies. You are already a great person. Let us work together to make you see yourself as such.
  9. I sooooo forgot to DM you think link sorry haha And your version of normal seems to be pretty consistent with most people nowadays. Don't worry so much about the"normalcy". My PTSD prevents me from a lot of things. Reaching out in networks such as this helps. I think you are fine. So no worries yea? ~Keaton
  10. I feel tainted...I've been divorced, I have a child, I am a walking paraplegic...I'm just broken and a mess. But, I'm sure of myself and know how much I'm worth. and yet i still feel like i'm never going to be good enough. Who would want a single mom who can barely walk? Who would want a woman that let herself be literally beaten and degraded? Who would want to be around someone like that? I have severe ptsd... I've finally gotten my panic attacks under control so that's a victory. But I can't even begin to explain the helplessness I feel at times. I feel so utterly useless. I can't play with my daughter...I can't run around. I can't DO so many things anymore. If I want to go to the zoo with Evee, for example, I have to make sure I have my wheelchair. My body wouldn't be able to take being up like that for long. I hurt so much all the time. I second guess myself far too much. I am sitting on a fence rocking back and forth from absolute confidence and complete self doubt. I don't like admitting my weaknesses. I don't like admitting that I was literally beaten up for almost a year... I don't like admitting my fear to anyone. I am supposed to be the strong one. I am supposed to be sure of myself and there for others. I know it's okay to be weak and reach out to people ( I encourage people to do so enough). I know it's okay to feel down and afraid. I just don't know how to get over this crippling (no pun intended) injury. A little back ground on it, August 14, 2017 at around 2:30 my brakes failed as I was on a curve and I spun out and hit a ditch that popped my car up and into a tree. My injuries included a burst fractured L 1, broken L 2 and L3, and a cracked L 4 and L 5. I had a bruise on my forehead that lasted 3 months, I ended up with a tear in my aorta, 3 cracked ribs, a cracked sternum and was bruised from my left shoulder down to my right hip. I ended up being diagnosed as a T 12 Asia A complete paraplegic. For those that do not know what that means, it means that I had a zero percent chance to ever even think about feeling my legs. I spent a month in the hospital...away from my life, away from my daughter...alone almost. My boyfriend (ex now) "stayed" with me for awhile though. And by "stayed" I mean he was out drinking and doing whatever with money that wasn't his. He continued to abuse me there....He told me that no one would ever want someone like me now. I was already a problem before and now being broken meant that I was lucky to even have someone like him with me. He cheated on me, used me for my money, trapped me, beat me, and broke me down so much that I literally became a shell. I became nothing. I was finally able to get out and I am the happiest I have ever been. I am so sure that I am worth greatness. I am so sure that I am okay. My life is brighter and I am now who I am meant to be. and yet...I can still hear how useless I am. I still hear him saying that no one is going to want to deal with a burden like me. and I KNOW I'm difficult now...I can't help my injury. It happened and I beat all odds and started walking. I accomplished greatness and he took that away from me. It was never enough. I was never enough. This is the first time I've ever actually put this in writing. I'm scared. I don't know who to go to. I have to be strong. but I can't help thinking that I'll end up being alone in the end. His words constantly echo telling me that no one could love me like that because I'm "tainted" basically. No one would want me because I have a child. No one would want me because of my injury. No one would want me because I'm nothing but trouble. But that isn't fair... I didn't do this to myself...it happened. I overcame something impossible and yet It was still not enough. I hurt so much and I think I'm just now realizing how lost I actually feel. I am so scared. I don't usually feel this way...but the fact that this feeling keeps popping up at times means that I probably need to get it addressed in some fashion. I know to take my time and let things come. I would honestly go through all of that again just to get where I am now. All of that made me who I am today. I can't regret it happening. But...I can't help the lingering feeling that he was right. No one is going to look at me and want to be with me. I'm not saying I am unhappy. I just can't help thinking he was right. I talk myself through all of those feelings and can usually work them out myself. I'm pretty good at handling my depression/anxiety. But some days...some days just knock me out. I get so overwhelmed with doubt that I can't even think straight. I don't want to feel useless because I know I'm not. I don't want to feel like I'm undesirable because I know I'm not. I know that I can make a difference. I know I can be more than just a disabled single mom. I know I can be more than he EVER said to me. I just can't feel it sometimes. I'm sorry about the long post..I think I have been in need to release this somewhat. I want to thank all of you for helping me find a purpose. Helping all of you has made me very confident in my career choice. Being around the positive has helped me see that I am doing right. i'm just a mess at the moment I suppose. So thank you. Thanks to all of you that take time out of your day to listen. To reach out. Y'all have taught me to be brave and firm. Y'all have helped me stay on track after my horrid breakup. I have my life back. ~Keaton (for Jesse to use for the overall summary- I know I'm worth it, but I just can't help feeling like I'm not. I feel tainted, lost, and useless in the face of my handicap.)
  11. Well I do suppose avoiding them COULD be a solution. However, I personally, think that avoidance just makes things more difficult for both parties in the long run. Leaves things too open ended. Closure is something we all desire. Good or bad we all desire an ending or at least a final answer. If you are confused, outright asking could be helpful. Though I kind of assume you have already done so with your wording. Sometimes just telling them that you are at your limit. You have tried everything that YOU know how to do to try and understand them and how they are feeling but NOTHING is working. That will happen. People are all different. You said this was online as well. That also offers a different avenue for approaching someone. That can be both a blessing and a curse honestly. I've experienced both. I have, personally, found that it's more enjoyable to get to know someone online. It may be a little more difficult, which is something I feel you are currently experiencing. The hardest part is not being able to easily reach out to them. It becomes easier to run away with those kinds of things too. However, this offers more chances to actually think things through before just reacting. You can work through things in your head before actually reaching out and saying something. I really want to offer more to you but I am somewhat at an impasse. Being too forceful will cause them to shut down and you may actually end up losing them. On the other hand, NOT actually trying to get to the root of all things can make it a lot worse... Understand yourself and how you feel may first may actually make things easier for you. Being patient with them and yourself can also work wonders. I am one to always encourage speaking out and trying to get to the root of the problem That seems to be how you are too. Being blunt is helpful (as you pointed out) but also being careful with your wording may give you an edge. Sometimes when trying to figure something out with someone we get frustrated. That frustration can easily meld with your tone and actions making you come off as annoyed yourself. When we are flustered or angry or even sad, we give off a vibe (kinda). When we are happy we tend to speak with a light cheerful tone. With that our positive attitude carries over into other people. If something bad happened we tend to give off more negative. We don't even have to mean it but it's still there. In the way we walk, talk, text, all of it. Your confusion and such can bleed into how you approach that person. Emotions are easily expressed no matter how much you try to suppress it... All ramblings aside, I think the best way to handle this situation is to work out the confusion and feelings within yourself first. When you can clear your head and know what it is YOU want then you should be able to figure out how to go with the flow with them. Things fall into place basically. You say you know the like you. That's awesome, but at the same time they may be afraid. Getting attached to someone can cause a lot of conflicting feelings. You stated before that you both had/have attachment issues. I really believe that once you get yourself sorted you should (because your observation skills are on point) be able to finally reach them. Don't give up on yourself or them. If you want it to work out, I firmly believe you will be able to. Don't rush things. Approach with caution. You need to protect yourself and them. It's a lot of work but it is so worth it in the end. You already know how to approach this...It's just hard to figure people out at times. I'm pretty sure I have just been talking in circles but I I really want you to know that I feel you can make this work. I hope you will take the time to understand yourself and understand exactly how they are feeling in turn. Be yourself. No matter what continue to be who YOU are. It will sort out eventually. If you care strongly for this person you will find a way. Trust yourself. You can do it. I'm super proud of you by the way. You have really come a lot way with how you handle things and how you look at things. I am really sorry for the rambling post but I just really wanted to get it out there for you. I'm not sure if it is even helpful but I really hope you can at least have a little direction with this situation. Warm wishes and easier times, ~Keaton
  12. Alrighty then. Well you have seen some pretty good ones. That's good at least. It's really cute that you and your sister are bonding over anime though. I got my little sister to watch with me growing up some. Now i do so with my little (as you know). I'm not entirely sure where your mother's logic comes into play, but my mother was the same when I was growing up. Just keep at what you enjoy when it comes to such things. I'll dm you a link to one of my accounts so you can browse through what I've seen and such. You can ask me anything you are curious about if you'd like to as well. Do want to comment on what you deem to be a "normal" person though. I haven't seen anything that told me you weren't. Even then, a little flair and difference from the norm makes for a more interesting of person . Enjoy your day! ~Keaton
  13. I think reaching out like you do is a good way to try and make it through these moments. I see many people reach out to you to try and be there for you. That means you are worth it to them. We don't have to be strong all the time. We can be weak. We can be lost. We can feel hurt and afraid. During those times it's okay to rely on people. Let those people help you. I see you fighting people when the reach out to you...which I can understand. It's hard to see positive when so much negative is going on. Let those people lead you to a brighter future. Let those people be strong FOR YOU. Let those people help walk you through what is going on. You don't even have to say anything. Let them just lend you a shoulder. Let them just be there for you. I see you there for others. I see you smile for people and be strong for them. I see you do so much. Please, I know it's hard. I know it's easy to just want to disappear. I've been there. I think most of us have been there at some point. So when they reach out to you, please, try to let them hold your hand. Let it happen. You don't have to even agree with what they are saying. You don't have to acknowledge them yet. Just let them do for you what you do for them. Please try. You are worth so much more to so many people. You are someone cherished. You are more than you think you are. Just let them show you. With all my love and positive feelings, ~Keaton
  14. I am going through that personally. I want to reach out to someone but I am too afraid to do so. Also online too. I am overthinking things...and I'm not sure how to go about even approaching him or the subject whatsoever. I've been out of the game for awhile. I'm really awkward and I doubt myself far more than I wish to admit. So while I really wish I could give you the comfort of this feeling passing, it really doesn't. We all go through bouts of obsessive behaviors. What's more, is that attachment issues are fairly normal as well. The anxiety you feel is most likely WHY the issues are presenting the way they are. Second guessing yourself, worrying over how you feel, over analyzing what is going on with them and within yourself. It is bound to happen. Especially when dealing with someone you care about and want to be closer to. We grow through these things. We figure out new ways to go about all these issues as they are presented. You have a very good head on your shoulder. Your comments on the live stream and even on the server itself shows that. You try to interact and understand what people are going through. You choose distance as your escape though. I'm really glad this person reached out to you. I'm also very happy you didn't avoid them. It becomes very easy to cling to the distance because it's easier. Friendships, relationships, they take work. With how you observe and how you like to understand things I can see how and why you would be frustrated. It seems that you both need to work through this together. Keep in contact. Try to understand how YOU are feeling and how YOU want to go about this before trying to understand how they wish to. When we spoke earlier it seems that is really a big part of your problem. You are fighting yourself and with whomever you are dealing with at the time. Which is understandable and fine. I will help you with trying to work through that on discord. I hope to be able to help you honestly. You have such a bright mind, I would hate to see you lose part of yourself just because of your inner arguing. When you feel frustrated like that, I encourage you to reach out. You did so with this and you did so on the server. I am very proud of you for doing so. It isn't easy to do so. You offer so much of yourself when trying to help others. You commented that it was easier to observe and react but when it comes to actually explaining yourself, you lose the battle with yourself and get frustrated. I think you are going in the right direction to make things easier for yourself. Don't lose hope. Don't lose faith in yourself and how YOU see things. You are impressive and offer such a good and unique view point. You say that you come off cold or indifferent but in reality you are offering a different perspective which is always valued. So thank you. Thank you for being how you are and please don't stop doing such. Always there and always willing to listen, ~Keaton
  15. The Devil is a Part-Timer is fantastic. 10/10. And yes. Fate has a few good ones. I've only seen a little bit though. You should send me a list of some of things you've seen and I'll see if I have any suggestions for you and your sister! Sorry for the short and late reply. I hope you are doing very well! ~Keaton
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