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Artist22

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Everything posted by Artist22

  1. Recently I have been selling a lot of art work. I have a bunch of records that I am painting because they are either scratched or broken. Well I have 8 commissions, 3 of which are big paintings each done with different paints and 5 records. I am happy that I am making money this way, but I also have my summer job working at a restaurant and I also have my YouTube channel which I am working on. So with all this I am up late at night painting and I haven't been making my videos like I want to. The next day I am very tired but I get up and get back to painting before I head in to work. I will be getting a break this week but I still have a lot of paintings that I still have to get done. I want to get back into making my videos but I don't want to force myself and then my stuff end up not being that good. What should I do to not push myself so far? Am I making sense? Anyways thanks for reading this. -Kendra-
  2. As you know I have a boyfriend that I really do love with all my heart, but recently I have been feeling a different kind of love for him. I don't necessarily love him in the romantic way any more, but more so in a friend kind of love. When I first started to date him I was head over heels for him and I loved him doting on me and telling me how much he loves me. However now that I am older and I am busy with other things and have made many new friends, I have grown to realize who I actually am. I enjoy being with other friends and talking and being creative and helping others, but I also realize that I am a person who loves human contact and being able to hug them and hold hands and so much more. It is hard having a long distance relationship and I have come to realize I have exited what some people call the "honeymoon" phase. To be honest I feel like we aren't even boyfriend and girlfriend and I think that is partly my fault because I haven't told anyone in my family we are boyfriend and girlfriend and I also kept introducing Kaleb as my friend, to the point where I think we are just friends, really good friends to be exact. However I believe this would be good for us to grow our friendship and then perhaps when we meet in person we can begin to date again. I have talked to Kaleb and he is okay with this as well. However I am concerned that I might meet someone else and want to date them. I am not really sure on anything with relationships when it comes to me, but when it comes to other people I am able to give them good advice and everything works out for them with their relationship. What should I do if I meet someone else and we end up liking each other but I am still not sure if I am ready to be in a relationship? Sorry this was so long. -Kendra-
  3. I recently went on Omegle to try and see if I could meet a Youtuber named Pinkstylist, well instead of him I met a grade a jerk that shot down myself confidence. They called me tranny trash and said that I was born a guy and should just admit it because I have a jawline like a guys apparently and my body build looks like that of a guys and that I have no curves and that really hurt because I have been trying to lose weight. I haven't been very confident in how I look and I have friends that have helped me to feel good about myself again. But this guy brought me down again, I am sure this person is going through a bunch of stuff for them to say things like this and I will pray for them. I really just need help to try and bring that self confidence back up and figure out a way to not let people bring me down like this again. Any suggestions? Thanks once more. -Kendra-
  4. Today I was on discord and was talking to my friend Jarrel. He works as an audio technician and has his own youtube channel. He started to talk about how he got a new microphone that he plans to use eventually. I told him congratulations and that I couldn't wait to get a new microphone. The microphone I have now works well and is okay for a beginner microphone, but there are a few problems with it. One I can't have headphones plugged into my computer to listen to myself as I am recording myself. Two, my microphone makes me sound like I am underwater at times and even with all the editing I do with my computer, it isn't as great of quality as I would like. Anyways I told him that I am currently trying to save money because I need to build my savings account back up after this year of college kind of has drained me. He then proceeds to ask me what my budget was for a microphone and I told him $50. The only way I would probably get one that is like $100 would take me a little while longer. Well to my utter shock he went and bought me a microphone for $168.00 on Amazon!! I told him that he didn't have to do that and he replied "I know but I want you to succeed and this is a gift so you don't have to pay me back" I told him that it is hard for me to accept a gift like that that is soo expensive! He told me it was fine because he recently got a bonus and he is getting his pay check this week. I told him that I will pay him back some how, and he said "no you don't". I want to pay him back because this gift is too much! I know Jarrel really well and he will not take money from me. He just wants me to succeed and I will do my best as to not let him down, but I have to pay him back somehow other than my videos and me succeeding in that. We made a fake document on Word, saying that we have adopted each other and that he is my older brother and I am his little sister! He is a really good "big brother" but I want to pay him back and I don't really know another way to, we live in different states and I don't really know when I will actually get to see him in person. It is hard for me to accept a gift that expensive from someone I care about because I am used to having to work for things for myself or getting something that is less expensive or used. I don't think my paintings are enough to pay him back. What should I do? I feel like I might have already given myself an answer but I probably am not seeing it. Sorry for how long this was. If you are confused about anything just let me know and I will explain the best I can~! -Kendra-
  5. I understand completely. I am wanting to meet my boyfriend who lives in Georgia! And I am currently living with my parents who have no clue we are dating but know that we know each other. They worry about me and being online and my dad keeps telling me not to give out where I live and what not. I understand why your parents are worried, but you are old enough to make your own decisions, they might not like them now, but they need to get to know them better. If I were you I would sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel. I haven't done it yet with my parents because there is never a right time. But I think you should talk to them and tell them how you feel! Meet up with your friend and have your parents actually meet them and get to know them so that they can see what you see in your friend. I don't know if this helps, but I hope it does! Don't worry though, everything will work out in the end.
  6. Hey guys I hope you all are well. I am feeling happy and this is because I recently found out that I had three great great uncles and aunts that became priests and nuns. They all lived in Dun Bummel Netherlands, in this way I feel like I feel a bit closer to God and my family history. Also our out door cat Mama Kitty had five kittens and we can't wait for when they are older so that we can name them.I will be taking online courses this summer so that next fall I can graduate and be done with school for now! The last question I had was how I was feeling depressed and undeserving of love and well recently I have been telling myself I am loved and that I love myself. It lifts my spirits up when I think about that and what you guys have told me. Anyways that is a bit of an update on me. Now this question isn't that serious like my last questions. So in two weeks I will be done with school for the semester and my final for water color is an artist choice and I am struggling to figure out what I should do for it. I could do a still life, abstract, landscape, or illustration and I do love to paint flowers but I am not so sure of what I should do. I have posted some of my work in here below so you can see. I need to figure out what to do! I want to know now so that I am not rushing what to do and so my art doesn't become crappy and that is not something I want to do. What do you think I should do? -Kendra M Wokal-
  7. First off I want to thank you guys once more! I am so happy to have met you! You guys have given me so much that I needed hear. Anyways, this week has been hard for me. I have been depressed and crying and feel like I don't deserved to be loved. That I don't deserve to have what I have! My friends have made me laugh and smile to make me try and forget it. But it keeps coming back and I have prayed to God. Every time I pray, I cry. And every time someone tells me that they love me, that I am so kind, caring and loving and that they really love me, I cry! I cant help but cry because I feel like I don't deserve those words. I think it is probably my anxiety for classes, the worry that I have let everyone down with my decisions for what I am doing for my major and that I am failing myself. I feel tired everyday now and I don't know what to do. I feel weak for crying but I know I am strong, that is what my friends tell me. I don't know, please help. Thank you. -Kendra-
  8. As soon as my cough is gone and I am better, I am going to be recording and posting my new series called "A Siren's Tale". But sadly I am nervous that people wont like it, even though I have many people working on it that are just as enthusiastic about it as I am. I am putting my heart and soul into it! My Yandere videos have been doing good, but I don't want to do those anymore, because they put me into a bad frame of mind. I have many ideas for this and I am so excited and I hope you guys could tell me what I can do. I think you might have talked about something similar to this before but I just am feeling so proud of the work that I am putting into this video! What advice do you have to give me? -Kendra- update: My cough is basically gone, but now I am in a funk where I want to record and finish but I don't want to force myself to record because I want this audio to be good quality. I feel like those that are working on it with me are being let down even though they understand. The last three days I have been having anxiety over almost everything and been depressed and crying, so I haven't recorded everything. I have decided to not go forward with being a teacher, since it is causing me so much anxiety just thinking about being a teacher. I will just graduate with a bachelor degree in art and if I feel up for it later on, go for my education degree. I feel like I have let everyone I know down though, especially those that gave me the money to use for the praxis. I wish I could be me again.
  9. Last night after I got off of Discord with my friends I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and I just started to cry. I don't know why but I just started to cry. I broke down just crying and I couldn't figure out why. As soon as I looked at the messages of my friends I realized that I was feeling lonely and I was wishing that I could actually have a real hug instead of a virtual hug. I messaged my friends David and Jarrel and they both told me to go into the VC chat to talk to them and the others. Immediately as soon as I got on I broke down in tears and I couldn't stop, everyone was doing their best to cheer me up and telling me that they all loved me and that I was important to them. Typing this right now I am tearing up remembering the support they gave me. Eventually they got me to laugh and I got so many messages in private telling me that if I ever needed to talk that they would be there for me. In a way I feel guilty for just crying and even embarrassed, I usually try to not cry in front of others because it makes me feel weak and vulnerable. I am usually there for others just listening to what they want to say and giving advise if they want it. I hate crying in front of others but they told me if I needed to that I could, that I don't have to cry by myself. I wish I could meet all my friends in person and just give them all a big hug. I am sorry if this is too long, to be honest I think I just need to hear from someone that it is okay to cry so I don't feel guilty. In high school I had to hide my feelings because I didn't want there to be any rumors or have people make fun of me for crying in school. Thank you for reading this. -Kendra M Wokal-
  10. You all know I was planning on perhaps making art lessons on my channel, but recently I started to create some Roleplay ASMR videos. Right now they aren't that good because of the equipment I am using, which is just my phone and head phones. I feel good about creating this and I feel like it will help me be able to talk out loud when I start my art lesson videos. I am a bit self conscious of my voice even though I have had many people tell me that they liked it. Sadly though I have to many ideas in my head but I don't have the proper equipment to be able to create the videos that I want. I don't want to just create videos for views, I want to create works of art in a way. I know you have talked about my self-consciousness before but this is different, because people are actually in a way hearing me. They aren't hearing my singing voice, they are hearing me, my acting voice. It's kind of scary but it feels good in a way, I don't know. What do you think? -Kendra- update- I found my microphone so some of the new content I made sounds better. I am also going to collaborate with another ASMR youtuber. I just hope I can give him what he wants for the voice.
  11. I am having trouble drawing people. I am in a figure drawing class and I am struggling to draw a human, I can draw the skeleton just fine but I am struggling to draw the flesh. I have been practicing dozens of times on trying to draw them, to get the proportions right and I just can't seem to get it! My teacher and my friend have told me that it is probably because I am used to drawing anime figures where the proportions are exactly correct. However, I cant even draw the body of an anime figure, just the head and face. This is the one thing in art that I am struggling with, I have never struggled so much with any art form until this! We are going to be drawing a live human next and I am actually concerned that I will fail. I know I need to continue practicing but if I don't get better with practice it's not going to help me. What should I do? -Kendra-
  12. I am currently in Adolescent Psychology for a second time because I failed to meet the requirement grade to pass the class. Thankfully I have a different teacher, however, the tests are all done online and I only have so much time to complete them. I am always second guessing myself and I try not to do that but then there are times that when I do second guess myself it is a good thing because I end up getting the answer correct. I have never been a good test taker and with a class like this, it basically what I am graded on. I am thankful he gives us writing assignments so that I can get even a few points, but I am struggling. How can I stop second guessing myself? -Kendra-
  13. I am feeling lonely! Valentine's Day is tomorrow and my boyfriend is planning on making a video of him singing some song for me and I don't have anything and I feel bad about it. Not only that but it is also my brother's 16th birthday and I can't be there to celebrate it with him and help my mom with getting things ready for his party. I have asked if my friends have any plans and basically all of them are working or have to stay home with family. What can I do so that I am not feeling so lonely? And any ideas on what I could do for my boyfriend and my family? -Kendra-
  14. As you know I create art and you have seen some of my art as well. I recently have been having to come up with something for my senior capstone, which is my senior art show and I will be having it earlier because of me hopefully entering the education program. In the show we can put are art up for sale. I have a hard time letting my favorite pieces of art work go. I have created some paintings that I absolutely love and want to sell, but no one buys it and the art I create when I am bored and don't like people love it and want something like it. Currently I am trying to create a combination of a North Dakota Sunset and galaxy painting in water color. So far I am failing at creating that and it is getting frustrating because I need to start on it now, so that I wont have to worry about it later on. To be honest I haven't been as creative with my water color art as I have been with my Tik-Tok videos that I create. I do well when I am in the art room but once I am by myself it is like my art has downgraded. I am once again feeling discouraged but I keep pushing because I know I can do it. I feel if that if my art isn't good when I am by myself then how can I teach someone how to paint or draw if I am not happy with what I am doing? -Kendra-
  15. Artist22

    TikTok Videos

    I use TikTok to escape reality for a but and be creative! Ciel Phantomhive, Celtic Woman, and Patton Sanders. QUJN2352.MP4 FGTB8503.MP4 TYOD9507.MP4
  16. When I was younger I hated how I looked, I hated my body and I didn't feel confident in myself nor did I feel like I was actually beautiful. The only thing that I liked about myself was my singing voice and my eyes. I posted a picture of me wearing makeup and many people replied with "you look beautiful" or "cute" and it made me happy but when I got back to my apartment and took my makeup off I felt bad about myself. I don't really understand why but I suddenly felt self-conscious again and it wasn't just with how I looked but with my singing voice as well. Many people have said that I am beautiful and that I have a beautiful voice, but when people have told me I am beautiful all I can say is thank you, and it makes me feel not so good about myself. I used to be so proud of myself when people would compliment my singing but now I feel self-conscious about it and feel like I don't deserve the compliments. It doesn't help that from what I have heard from other people that are in the choir at my college, that the choir isn't doing so well this semester. I couldn't join choir because I had to take math and it is like all of a sudden everyone became miserable. People from choir have been asking me if there was any way at all I could some how come in but I can't the only time I would be able to go in would be on Thursdays and that really isn't fair to me because I don't have that much time to practice. Anyways I feel guilty about not being able to join and then with how I am feeling about myself I just feel like something is wrong with me. To be honest I sometimes feel happier wearing my wigs because then I can pretend to be someone else for just a moment. I know this is probably all over the place but right now that is where my mind is, so if this doesn't make sense I will try my best to clear it up. -Kendra Wokal- I added a few photos of me so that you can see different sides of me to understand a bit more about me.
  17. I completely understand because there was at one point that I felt like that. I have a friend that is acting like that at this moment and all I am doing is telling them how much they mean to me as a friend and trying to cheer them up to the best of my ability. Sometimes just being a good friend is all they need and to be honest I feel like I am not a good friend to people but I try my best to be and in the end seeing my friend smile and helping them out in the best way possible, makes me feel good. You are already being a great friend to her! I don't know if this helps but I hope it does.
  18. A good friend of mine, Holly, is the sweetest person I have ever met, she is just an innocent cinnamon bun! Recently she sent me a message on facebook "Kendra...I've been going through a rough time lately, and just having you as a friend is making my college experience just a little bit happier...thank you for being a kind,smiling face I can count on seeing everyday." She has often invited me over to her apartment but there are times when I can't go over because she cancels last minute because she isn't feeling good and I worry about her. I feel like I should be able to do more as her friend, and I recently read in a post of hers that our art teacher is trying to talk her out of her watercolor comic illustration, because he believes comics are not a form of art. It has put so much stress on her and I want to be able to take that away without feeling like I am intruding...what should I do to help my friend? -Kendra-
  19. Amira I don't know if this will help, but I can understand your hesitation. I had this friend that I had a crush on and I was scared to tell him my feelings, even though everyone around thought we should date. I went to a snowball dance with him and that night we left early because neither of us wanted to dance and I was getting tired. Anyways, that night while we waited for the car to warm up I started to ramble on and on and well he leaned in and kissed me. And after that we started to date, but as we dated I realized we didn't hang out as much and so a bit after prom I broke up with him because I thought we wouldn't last long after he graduated. To be honest I could have gone and talked to him and ask him why we aren't talking like we used to , or why we don't hang out like we used to. But I didn't and I just broke up with him and after that we didn't talk or hang out anymore, it was so awkward and the sad thing is, is when we see each other all we do is make very small chat. Amira if you don't want to lose your friendship with her, talk to her, ask her if there is something bothering her. You will never know what to do unless you ask. I don't know if this helps and you don't have to listen to what I say but, I hope this helps some what.
  20. I have a boyfriend and he is currently living in Georgia with his parents, saving up money to come and live in my state of North Dakota. I met him almost 5 years ago on this website called Quotev and when I first started talking to him I thought he was a girl(we laugh about this when ever we bring up how we met). We became friends on Facebook and talked more and more and soon we started to date. We talk over skype and text and call when we have the chance. My family knows about him and where he lives, but they don't know we are dating. My family doesn't necessarily like long distance relationships because they believe they don't last long and that it really isn't dating. I think that my mom knows that there is something going on between me and my boyfriend and I think she is okay with it. If my dad were to find out, well that would be a different story, because I am still his little girl he worries about me, especially with all that has been going on with the internet. I have had relatives ask me if I am in a relationship and well every time they ask I lie and say that I am not and it hurts. Kaleb and I did agree though that we wouldn't tell anyone we were dating until we meet in person. I am starting to wonder if I should just tell my family I am dating, but I am also scared that they will say that I shouldn't be dating him until we actually meet or that I should break up with him just because he is so far from me. I love him so much, he brings out a part of me that doesn't come out often, a part that I usually will fake with others. What should I do? -Kendra-
  21. I have the opposite problem, I love giving gifts and if someone wants to give me a gift I will take it because they are offering it to me. In my family or within my group of friends we will ask each other if we are sure we want the gift or not. Usually they will ask "are you sure?" and if we don't want it we say "Yes we are sure." And they respond with "OKay, but if you change your mind let me know." If that makes any sense to you? I understand your concern and I have friends that have a hard time accepting gifts and feel like they need to give me something back in return and I will say "You don't have to get me anything if you don't need or want to. I am happy with just the emotional reward I get from it." I am sure with you declining a gift is fine and people will understand with an explanation. To be honest I give so much of myself to people, that when I receive a gift from someone, I accept it no matter how small it is. I don't know if this helps you but I hope it does.
  22. I am currently in an College Algebra class and though it is not my best subject I do the best I can! I do well with the homework but when it comes to tests or quizzes I usually don't do well because I either mix symbols up or I miss write something that causes me to mess everything up! I used to hate math with a passion! I still hate it because I don't really use it when I create art, if I were to do math that involves art I would use Geometry and even then I don't want to do it! I am glad you want to go into psychology and to be honest you shouldn't give up what you want to do! I actually write myself notes in math and then will redo a problem as often as possible until I eventually either give up or am satisfied with what I have done. I know how you feel and if you would like some help I am more than happy to help the best I can! I could even send you pictures of my notes and try my best to explain if you want! But no matter what don't give up on what you want to do just because of something that is difficult, I know you can do it! I hope what I have said makes sense and helps you! Best of luck!
  23. I understand what you are talking about and to be honest you have so many opportunities! It is a good thing that you are looking forward and if you really want to write, if that is your dream then go for it! I want to teach and I only have one try left to be in the education program and if I don't get in, I have a back up plan and I will still be able to teach art, I will still be able to teach my passion! You are doing so much more than I would and that is amazing!! You have different opportunities and you should go with what makes you happy and what you believe will give you the success you desire for a job! I don't know if what I said makes sense or helps but I am rooting for you with whatever you choose to do! You will go far!
  24. I am currently in a Intercultural Communication class, as to help with me being able to speak out properly in order to be a teacher. I sit by myself in the first row of the classroom and there are three guys that sit behind me. I usually can talk to a guy if there is just one. But there are three and I was kind of intimidated and in this class we have to have partners for discussion and because I am the only one in the first row, I have to talk to these guys. Well we had to talk about what we consider good things in culture and bad things in culture. The guy that sits in the middle ended up talking about a rapper that I had never heard of and asked if I thought he was bad and I just gave a confused look. He ended up naming some of the songs and I ended up making a sassy remark that is not me! I literally replied "I don't listen to crap! I listen to Celtic music!" And the guys looked at me surprised and ended up laughing and I for some reason I didn't feel bad about it. I am actually confused on where I got that confidence and sassiness from, because I don't usually talk like that to strangers. I feel a bit more comfortable around them now after that but I am still quiet and shy. What should I do to try and get that confidence to speak and discuss things more easily, without being so sassy? -Kendra- P.S - I have a paper I need to write for this class and it has to be about a song and how it fits with intercultural communication, would it be okay if I interviewed you Ryan? I chose to use one of your songs and I would like to get more information on it if that is okay with you?
  25. Artist22

    Abstract art

    This is an abstract piece that I created. If looked at in different ways the perspective changes.
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