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Bre the Kitty

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Bre the Kitty last won the day on October 27 2018

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About Bre the Kitty

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  • Birthday April 26

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  1. I'm paralyzed.. My legs are broken and chained. I can feel the weight of my depression, anxiety, exhaustion, self loathing.. It's all too much.. The pain is too much. I can feel the black hole in my chest. It's slowly breaking my ribs and consuming my heart. My heart's breaking and decaying.. The once strong and amazing thing is the one thing that's in the most pain. That's in the most pain. It's black and rotten. It's making a river of acid that's slowly poisoning me.. It's spreading to my brain. It's corrupting me and yet I don't want to stop it. I deserve it because I hate myself. I hate myself mote that anything. I'm gross, disgusting, annoying.. I'm the opposite of what I want to be. I'm not who they want me to be. I try to stand, but it's hard. It's so hard when you know you'll fail. It's hard when you know you'll never be good enough. It's hard when you know that deep down, you're nothing but a mistake. I wasted life that just burdens everyone. The burden that drags everyone down.. And you know what? I'm sinking too. These chains they weigh me down are heavier then ever. I'm drowning in depression.. It's dark and cold, but I can't escape. I watching everyone above the surface, walking without this guilt. Walking without this pain. I'm frozen in fear but also.. Calm. I can't help but welcome this feeling. I can't help but crave the sweet embrace of death because even though it might hurt others, it'll end this pain that I feel. To finally take my last pain filled breath would be the best thing for everyone.. If you have any input then please, go right ahead. I can't stop this but and encouragement might settle the chaos.. For now.
  2. I'm nothing. I'm going numb.. I'm thinking about just leaving. Disappearing for good. No one will miss me and no one will care. I'm just drowning.. I'm jealous, hurt, and just so done with everything! I don't know what to do anymore.. I don't know how to cope.. Everything is going wrong. Everything. It hasn't been that long, not even three weeks sinse everything started to go downhill.. First my kitten died, then my parents fought and I got involved.. Everyone is leaving. Everyone is just so happy without me. They're finding love while I'm left alone. An outcast.. I'm so tired of it! I'm so tired of being second best. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of not fitting in. I'm tired of being the third wheel. I'm tired of living.. I don't know how to handle this anymore and I feel like everyone would just be better off without me...How do I handle this? Because it's just too much...
  3. In just a moment, I'm down again. In just a moment, I feel like I'm drowning. In just a moment, I'm worse than I've ever been... My anxiety is even worse than it was. My mom, she's not getting better.. There was a fight last Saturday and.. I have a bruise. It's near the back of my ribs so I don't think anyone has noticed. It doesn't really hurt, but the memory remains.. Recently though.. I've hurt myself.. It's gotten worse than it was and I do it more often now.. I lost a friend today too.. He did some horrible things and I just can't be around someone like that.. My thoughts get darker when I'm alone and they're still there when I'm with my friends.. I really just don't want to burden anyone. I want to love everyone, but I feel hollow when I'm alone.. I lost Angel and that hurt so much... It still does.. I hate it, but they were so important to me.. I feel like a mess and I just want it to end.. I want it to get better. I want it to end. I want.. to be okay again. Even for just a moment..
  4. Everyone is leaving.. Sinse I've moved everyone keeps disappearing. My great grandma, my uncle, my aunt.. My cousin... Everyone is dying and I wasn't there for them. I couldn't say my goodbyes. I couldn't tell them just how much they mean to me. I couldn't even hold their hand... I found out today that my grandma has stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease.. I talked to her today but I have no way to get to her. My sister is getting an EEG test done to see if she has M.S. She keeps getting migraines where she loses her sight and her hearing now... My friend Hannah, she has a cancerous tumor.. She has a tumor behind her eye. In three years, she either dies or she loses an eye... I'm scared that I'm going to lose everyone and I hate it. I don't know what to do and I hate it.. I just feel so alone.. I'm surrounded by others but I feel so alone...
  5. I feel like I have a pit in my stomach.. I was talking to someone that I won't name, but I thought it was okay. He was asking me my sexuality, ect. It was an average conversation but I felt a little.. uneasy. It started to get worse when he asked me if we could ever start a relationship together. I told him that I have a boyfriend but he kept making it a point on asking me what I liked and such.. Then he hit me with this, "Could I do something so you could be interested in me?"... I couldn't do it anymore... I feel really uncomfortable now and a bit shaken up.. I can't seem to calm down and I just don't feel okay right now...
  6. I know I haven't submitted one of these in a while..but I need help. I need to get this off of my chest. I've been really scattered lately and usually I can't make sense of the chaos, but recently I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a sinking ship. I'm a hideous shipwreck and there are no survivors. Everyone I come to love or come into contact with leaves. I can't blame them though because I get so upset over the simplest of things. It's ridiculous. I don't feel in control anymore and I just watch the chains wrap around my ankles.. It's gotten so heavy and burdening since the last time I've done this, and I don't think it's going to stop any time soon. Eventually I'm going to snap and hurt the rest of the people I have left in my life.. Somehow I feel very livid about it, yet it stills eats away at my conscience. I'm sorry everyone but.. I just take it anymore and I want to just end it... Please just give any input you can (if you can). Please help... I found out just the other day that my cousin has gotten worse. He has cancer and it spread in two weeks.. He's dying and I can't do anything about it. He lives over 300 miles away from me so I can't even hug him.. My mother has gotten worse too. She has more liezens on her brain... She's dying too. Everyone is..dying. Eberything is so out of my hands and honestly, it hurts. It's driving me crazy and that insanity is spreading through my veins like poison. So the question is, do I let it destroy me? Do I let the darkness consume what's left of my broken soul? I want to give into the sweet siren calls of the darkness. The peace it would bring to my chaotic mind. The bitter sweet end.. It sounds nice.
  7. I'm so sorry. I burden everyone. I'm an annoyance. I screw up things, and yet all I can do is say sorry. It feels like I'm drowning myself. I know I'm doing it, but I just watch myself drown. I sit back while my heart goes numb and my mind goes blank. I can feel myself fading but I do nothing to stop it. I do nothing about it. I'm killing myself and I don't care at all. Do you know what it feels like to have your soul shrivel up and turn to dust? To have your heart break and crack at the slightest touch. Your mind fills up with these dark thoughts and you let it consume you. You let it destroy every fiber of your being, because that's what you deserve. I don't know how to make this stop..
  8. This is number 9 - Precious. I'm working on lining the others I did but I just want to throw this in ^^
  9. I know I come here often and I hate to take up your time but I just don't know what to do. This hole in my chest is getting bigger and I don't know how to stop it. I really don't. What do you do when you go through everyday wanting the worst? What am I supposed to do? I hate myself so much. Everyday goes by so slow and it feels like I can't walk on some days. This cloud over my head won't go away either. It got bigger sinse the last time I filled out a forum. The cloud got darker as the hole in my chest got bigger... Is this normal? This overwhelming hatred for myself and having to almost constantly fake how I feel can't be right... The mask is breaking and more people are noticing that I'm not right... And you know what? They're right. It's not right to want to die every day. It's not right to want to take your own life every day. How do I fix it though? I've let it get this bad so maybe I should just give up? I don't know any more... I have this voice at the back of my mind telling me horrible things that should hurt me, but I can't help but believe them at this point. I can't help but listen to the voice and I'm slowly giving up. I know I shouldn't, that I would hurt people if I left, but I can't help but feel that they would be better off without me...I just really don't know anymore...
  10. How do I deal with this pain I feel? It's not even really pain, I feel numb. I feel hallow. Like there's a dark empty space in my chest where my heart used to be. Yes i still care for other, but i dont care about myself anymore. I walk through the day hoping for the worst. Wishing something, anything, would happen because I deserve it. I don't know how to deal with it anymore, ya know? It gets worse every day. Self loathing is a daily routine now and dark cloud hangs over my head. No one at school seems to notice my fake smile or my stupid fake laugh. You would think they would see it by now... My anxiety is always suffocating now and the weight of my depression feels like it's going to break my back... I just wish it would go away... Please help if you can (though I doubt you'll be able to). From, Breanna (Sorry if this was long...)
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