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Everything posted by Princess_Yellow

  1. I have a lot of issues with working beyond the first two or three steps in any kind of project. I get a lot of cool ideas, but after a while I feel like I'm wasting my time on the wrong thing.
  2. Off topic, where do you guys get the inspiration for your songs?
  3. My friend just stopped Responding out of nowhere on June 22nd.. They havent been online. I've tried messaging them a lot.. nothing.. They havent spoken in any servers I believe.. I'm so scared.. I'm worried it was something I did but my friend said that's probably not it.. Its even worse because we love eachother...we were in a relationship..we still are.. So I'm just..scared.. I'm just hoping they'll be alright. I have bad news.. My friend deleted their account... I don't have any idea why... Apparently on a video chat app my friend sent Stary (substitute name) a friend request on a video chat app on the 24th, two days after he disappeared from discord. Shes tried contacting him there countless times but no response We think he deleted the app.. I'm so scared... I need some help, or maybe some advice. Ive been having dreams about him.. even if it was just a few days after he disappeared.. Now theyre turning into nightmares.. How do i stop dreaming about him..? And do I come to make peace with his disappearance?
  4. Hey, we haven't seen you in a long time, so hopefully this can reach you if you look back at this post. Here's a link to the answer to your question.
  5. It's been a very long time since we've seen you, so we answered your question and hope that it can reach you still.
  6. Hello! It has been answered as the first question on this lovely livestream ^^ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZTPuXr24a0
  7. So, this may be sort of an odd question to ask, but my father whom I love has been having a really hard time lately with the divorce and having to take care of 4 kids on his own. He literally broke down sobbing on my shoulder last night, and that was one of the first times I;d ever even seen him cry. I know it's not my job to save him or help him or blah blah whatever that's what people tell me, but that doesn't mean I cant at least try to help him in some way. I feel like I've been trying to help with just little things like doing chores good and helping out around the house when I can and I feel like it's not enough.
  8. Last time I came here, I said I'm giving up on my crush... Not the first time I said that, I must add. Actually, I promised my friends the exact same thing once before. That I will move past her. That I will actually take care of my soul and won't welcome her back. That I'd block her... I broke that promise before. And now, she came back. Again. Left behind by someone else, again, someone she laid all her trust in... Just when I tried moving past it all and finally started gaining speed. She tried reaching out to me and a few others on our Discord server, using a new account, new username... She left shortly after being discovered. She said she didn't deserve being there, that she didn't deserve us... Others ridiculed her, but... At the end of the day, I was talking to her again, but I'm keeping a lot of distance... I stand before a choice. Break the same promise again, lose any credibility in the eyes of my friends and myself for someone who left me behind before, keep loving her despite my heart's crumbling state and all the tears that gather in my eyes everyday, just to help someone in need... ... Or keep the promise this time. Leave her behind. Alone. Knowing all well, that I might kill another person because of leaving them alone... Both choices seem terrible... It feels like a dead end for me. Either way I will have to suffer and lose someone, a few friends, or someone who I love... Are these the only two choices I can make??? ... So, I went for literature, looking for a painkiller. You might know I like anime. Actually, I finished watching Little Witch Academia today, and - SPOILER ALERT - it turns out, Shiny Chariot, the person Akko looked up to and who inspired her all the way through her life, actually was the person who stole magic from her and created all the hardships for her. She betrayed her trust, by hiding this fact from her (as well as her true identity). In the end, Chariot helps Akko save the world in an incredible way, ending all evil, renewing magic, blah, blah, blah... ... You may be thinking one of the two; how did I draw a parallel? To answer that, well... It's kinda blunt. Chariot betrayed the trust of Akko... That's basically all I had to go with there. I thought; "Let's see how she goes about regaining trust"... And the second question, how did I not draw inspiration from that? Because it's essentially a fairy tale, and despite the saying "there's a grain of truth to every story", life taught me the hard way it is not one of them. NOT a fairy tail. I don't have some kind of magic to save the day, believing in myself won't just magically solve everything... What the show offered as an answer is surreal and just impossible for me... ... so, I'm here now, trying not to burst into tears while driving inside a bus, on my way to Greece. Field trip... Crying would be a terrible way to attract people to talk to me, which is pretty much exactly what I want... I want to spend time with people here, share these memories with them, not cry the whole camp... ... Please, help me. I can't manage this alone.. I know it's a hard, long topic, I know I'm always hard to read and especially to answer to, but... please... And for clarification, I don't want you to take it as "I want to be with her", but as "I don't know if I want to be as much as friends" Or... idk... It's not about getting back together or something. It's about what to do as someone who doesn't want someone else to be alone. And also about how to be a good friend with my friends too. I just don't know what to do... I just cant tell if it's my love for her talking, or if I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm a good person, or if she just deserves ANOTHER chance. My friends have had enough of me going into ruin because of her... They don't get mad at me easily, either... And yet now they ordered me to promise to them I won't talk to her... I trust them, at the same time, I want to trust her... It feels so stupid... For now, I blocked her, and asked that she didn't do anything to herself if she truly loves me as her friend... But it feels wrong... It's solely due to my trust to my friends... My best friend, said that I'm pushing the blame down to her, and that's not true either, I... sigh
  9. So, many people are in relationships around me, like my mom just got engaged to her long time boyfriend Don. But... I guess I don't understand relationships of the romantic nature. I want to know how to also understand that and how to also deal with the little tension of having someone like that in my life since my mom's divorce when I was younger.
  10. I uh, am too good of a liar sometimes. When can I accept that I'm not fine? I'm rotten, far than I'd like to admit... playing selfless isn't for me I guess... I need to accept my sin, I need to admit my greed. People with this kind of tests ended up with something to show for, as they all are strong enough. Am I worthy? What am I going to learn from this? I don't know, and by God I've been desperate Alas, these words can only show themselves after the curtain closes... what character have I played? Were there anyone that enjoyed my performance? Until next time, Sage of The Roughland... backs out
  11. So I am now starting to grow my art business and getting my name out there for people to know that I paint for people and that I also sell art work. Once bss.studio is up again I will post photos of what I have been painting recently. So far I have sold all together about 10 paintings for people and I will be doing a lot more. Especially when November comes around and we have our annual Frosty Frolic and Fling thing, where smaller businesses get to set up in a booth and sell their products. I think this is a great start for me because it gets my name out there . However, being that most of my stuff is art, being an artist doesn't always pay that much. I am trying to figure out how besides my Youtube channel, where I could teach other people how to paint or draw. I mean I would love to have my own studio where I can offer art lessons for people, but the only places in town that are for sale , cost a lot of money and I don't have it, not only that but I am still in college debt, and I don't need to be in more debt than what I have. If you have an advice on what I could do, I would be very grateful! Thank you once again for reading this!
  12. How do I deal with the envy I get from other good art? It's completely involuntary and subconscious, but time and time again I find myself feeling bitter when scrolling through art of others. It mainly happens with visual art. PS. I don't want anyone to be afraid to share their art with me, I'd love to see any and all pieces you have!
  13. I genuinely feel like I'm slowly crumbling down into ruin. To top off that feeling, I also gave up on my crush. As in, I'm literally fighting myself so as not to talk to her at all anymore. sigh The same one I gave up my friend's trust for. And a lot of time and nerves... ... and a few promises... And it hurts. Because it genuinely feels like I'm fighting a part of myself that defined me up to now. Plus... there's this feeling of loneliness that just lingers around. The consciousness of 'how am I supposed to find anyone if I can't even NOT push people away whenever I meet them" And by that I mean that, personally, the camp to Sardegna was an emotional failure Despite how cool the trip was Being the laughing stock of half the camp is really not reassuring. -Lay
  14. Because I am the most unlucky person on the planet. It's like I'm cursed. I started talking to my crush again and found out she was dating someone. I'm on one hand I'm happy for her, but on the other it hurts. I feel like I'm being stabbed in the heart with multiple swords and forced to live through the pain.
  15. A lot of hurtful things have happened, continue to happen and will happen in the future. I feel their effects: Desire to isolate myself, extremely cold and calculated decisions in times of distress and a fear of not completing tasks in the most perfect way possible, etc. What I want to know is how do I pick myself back up faster and have better control over my mind and actions, as I have realized that sitting and doing nothing won't change anything. Crying so many times over being hurt so often won't change anything.
  16. Guys idk how to feel about today. Today was the last day of school and I tried hugging the girl i liked since she's going to a different highschool. I asked 3 times and she denied every single time. But since today was the last day I went out with a group of friends to the park and i tried play and get it out my mind but is been stuck since when it happened. In a way I'm happy I asked, but sad that she said no, but yet I went outside to play and have fun so I'm confused and tangled with my emotions. She's probably not just surprised because she hugged most of the class, even both of my best friends. I usually walk home with her and my best friends she hugged both of them in front of me and when I asked for a hug she just said no. No one else asked for a hug, but she just hugged everyone else.
  17. So I'm moving do another state in a couple weeks, i have been down because i dont think i can handle leaving family and friends.
  18. Last week we had two kittens die the first one to die was Ala sweet little kitten I had named Sweetie and it was happy and playful the day before and the next morning it was barley breathing. And then my dad came in while I was in work and told me Sweetie had died. It was difficult for me to work the rest of the day with a smile but I did my best. A couple days later another kitten died. I came home from work and was the only one home so I had to be the one to bury it. Then a couple days before Monday our white kitten Skywalker stopped eating. He was shaking and he seemed sad and had no energy. At first we thought it was because two of the kittens died. But then he had green snot coming out of his nose and we realized he had gotten sick. We think he got pneumonia because it had rained for the past two days and he was outside. We tried force feeding him and getting him to drink water and he ate some of it but he wasn’t doing well. So we made a really hard decision to surrender him to the vet. It hurt me the most because I was very attached to him, even though we had planned on finding him a home. On Monday at around 11:00 I took him to the vet myself and dropped him off, saying that a stray mama cat had a kitten in our yard and we had started to feed it. They said that they would see what they could do for it and then I left because if I had stayed any longer I would have ended up bursting into tears and try and take him back. After I left tears welled up in my eyes and I pulled over into my dad’s car wash driveway and started balling my eyes out and saying “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Skywalker” over and over again. I finally calmed down enough and went home and my dad asked me what they said and I told him what they told me. He then proceeds to add “we can’t keep feeding these cats and we can’t afford to take care of them. Besides we already have out indoor cat Angel.” I quickly went downstairs ignoring him because I was about to cry. Once in my room I went on Discord and asked my friends to talk to me. And then I ended up crying some more. I cried for 2 hours. It hurt so much. After a while I got up and went outside and petted the other two kittens that are still alive and held them and petted them. I needed some sort of comfort. No one else in my family had reacted the same way as me. No one has shown any emotion about it and hurts me. I am wondering if I am just too emotional and get attached to easily... there
  19. Okay, so everyone knows that I went to my friends house for a week. It was fun as hecc but of course, something happened. My grandpa, on my dad's side, was sick for a week and no one told me. His blood was clotting a lot so he had to be put on blood thinners. They worked too well so his doctor told him not to take them anymore. On Sunday morning my grandpa was found dead in his room.. He was on his knees, hunched over. He was praying before he died.. He knew he was going to die.. I wasn't told until the next day! It was 1am when my mom told me. I wasn't even in his obituary! None of my siblings were.. I haven't been in the best mood for the past few days and the crying is getting worse..
  20. I am depressed and disinterested with everything and I need to study for a test that is the most important of my life, and for this I have 2 months to study 72 subjects and one more writing and I am afraid to study so much and not to spend or to study little and not pass, in this test the questions that give the most points are basic and intermediate level and I am discouraged and it seems that the more I study the less I understand about the subject. Sorry for the depressed is not a matter of sadness, but of emptiness. who can help me with an advice, please check my nickname so I know it's about my problem. Good thing I've been studying for an important test. I have a serious problem with proof. I'm afraid of not passing the test. because I have to study 72 more things and one more essay in 2 months. and I feel that I do not have progress studying, it's because my method is to get a topic and see a video about it. and every time I feel anxious because for me it's a fight against time. but I did tests on the internet on some topics that I studied and I had hits above 50%; I'm afraid it will depress me if I do not. The proof is August 25 (Apologizes if this is incorrect, Mugen doesn't understand English well, so it may be lost a bit in translation both ways.)
  21. "uh school is ending. And i don't want to leave my friends and and teachers they and now i have to go high school and im afraid imma be lost and confused." - Jose
  22. My friend just messaged me about him cutting himself again and I'm kinda panicking. I feel like I kinda didn't do enough.
  23. I learned something potentially harmful to a lot of people in my surroundings. Namely, one of their mutual friends was apparently causing a lot of ruckuss and going on romantic adventures with lots and lots of people, including people from my surroundings. They do not know that. Question is, should I lay out the truth gently to people as I usually do, or is a "white lie" better here...?
  24. Relationships are hard, no matter what kinda they are. And there are boundaries that are meant to be put in place to keep a relationship healthy. As of lately, I've been feeling more and more confused about those though especially with a feeling of being attached. As you guys have said before, feeling are finicky things and are subject to change and that's no big suprise. But I just feel like I am not really attached to a lot of those who are my friends. As if an invisible force-field blocks the way between us. I don't know what to do about this, since I want to be a good friend! And I think it's on my side of the relationship. And other times, I feel like I can get too attached to a person similar to being to clingy. Like when I give my full undivided and kinda never ceasing attention to someone and that makes them uncomfortable or I just want to hug anyone and everyone (and sometimes objects too ^u^;). Do you guys have any advice on how to deal with feeling aloof or attached like a leech with friends?
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