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Princess_Yellow

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Everything posted by Princess_Yellow

  1. Hi guys. This is my first time posting, so I hope it goes through. I'm currently dealing with depression and worry to a level unheard of. I can't go a day without thinking of my future, and was wondering if you had any tips for someone starting art?
  2. Q: I've seen my IRL friends spend less and less time with me lately, I ended up spending a few days all by myself, no one even had time to talk over the internet which is unusual. I asked, and... all I got was silence and neglecting... Any tips on this situation?
  3. I'm really emotional and it gets complicated. I cant control it and I start to regret doing those stuff.
  4. What happens if I got scarred in the past? Like, What can I do if I got scarred in the past and how do I move on?
  5. This post... honestly kinda goes into a much deeper section of Invalidation... It kinda hits home about what BSS stands for and why it means so much to me. But I'll put it into a different section as others responded to my previous post before I was finished. And it would be wrong to place this there after their answers. Culture in college especially can be quite toxic or quite graphic. Or maybe I'm just too different from anyone who's in my "grade". Sexual references, drugs, swearing are very common among my peers especially the not quite mature males and often is something I am exposed to. Being in the science field right now, doesn't exactly help with that either. And no matter how I choose to react to what I'm exposed to, any complainants or requests I have are left forgotten or ignored. One in particular admits ignorance and yet he said that he'd still tell someone who's suffering something invalidating to their face just because it's funny or the way he sees the world. So, what do I do?... Who's crazy? Me when I try to hold on, or maybe when I try to play along? Neither seems right, and always is accompanied by pain. What's crazy? Abandoning acquaintanceship once and for all, or maybe trying to be near them at all? It's hard to feel close to those who don't want to understand... They say to make friends, But I'd ask, what does that even mean? (Referencing pattern to the song "Who's crazy/ My psycho-pharmacologist and I" from the musical Next to Normal.) I'm sorry... I know I don't like dealing with it, so why am I trying to reach out and share the pain? I don't want to share the pain... I just want help, and I don't know how else to explain except by sharing... But when I tried telling someone else who I trusted they asked me why I even shared it since they didn't want to see it, and only proliferated the pain... Yet, that's not all. I know I've said this before, but I deeply feel emotions. And I can feel the pain and the joy, the love and hurt of others as if it was my own. And it's a painful blessing. In college, tough issues have been addressed. This time, it was about cancer, and while our professor told us about a story of his neighbor who had it, I had to run out of the room (literally) to avoid melting down from a tsunami of sadness and pain. I don't get it... You guys talk about how you can control your emotions. But I can't do that! I couldn't help but weep for her... And I tried for a majority part of class to not panic about the subject as a whole and to stay to get the notes and be like everyone else and not cause a rukus. I even had to put in my headphones trying to keep the peace just enough to hold on which is pretty rude to do right? But I couldn't. And I can't. I can't stop these feelings, they are too strong. It doesn't mean I don't atleast try to control my actions but I can't do what you guys do... Am I really that crazy?... Am I so weak and fragile that I cry at what others didn't? Yet, only three people actually cared to see if I was okay. I get that it's not like they should or anything... But If I had left sooner, would anyone have asked at all? Constantly wistfully, Someone comes close to me, asking me, "what's going on?" or blasting right past me, with no sense of compassion or empathy, and honestly? It's uncanny, passively grasping for some kind of tapestry that could tell me, not overwhelm me, for an answer of why they abandon me, while I am frantically panicking while holding a crying smile, waiting patiently, lingering to hope of the day, the way, to say and not be forgot, by those who care about me. (P.S. ^ Poem of Closing provided by the help of the Holy Spirit)
  6. Well, while talking with Jesse about an issue on my mind, he noticed that within the span of three seconds that I had unconsciously invalidated myself or my feelings/situation. And while writing this, had done it again hilariously enough. Or maybe not so hilariously. >.>; So let me tell a small story for a bit of context. In the field of science, many are focused on leaving a legacy or being the first who makes a discovery. One of my professors even told us that scientists in academics are often based on their worth and prestige on how many papers that they release and have behind their name. Yet anywhere I turn, I find that I seem different since I only desire to help be a part of the solution to a problem. It's not about being the one who is remembered in history, but rather being someone who got us to find a way to save lives or improve them. That's not something I hear others say, and it's something that makes me feel like I'm in the wrong since that's not what you are supposed to aim for. In summary, I always feel so different and that being different in the way that I am is wrong. In many ways, this is something I think has been programmed into my mind since I was young as you guys might know a small bit about. So do you have any advice, in particular, on ways to help lovingly confront my subconscious thoughts?
  7. My best friend is dying and I'm pretending to be chill about it I guess. My life is falling apart. I haven't been eating, my best friend is dying, I'm losing my home, I'm in debt, and I don't know what to do. There's literally no food here, otherwise I would've gotten something to eat, but I'm starving. And my friends organs are failing cause she's got a cyst in her lungs and stomach damage... There is no positive in my life right now. My family is throwing me out and my only good friend is dying. I've talked to literally everyone I could. No one can help me...
  8. Is Static happy? And how does he stay happy?
  9. I have a serious problem. I'm getting kicked out in April with no where to go and no one to help me. I am so terrified and don't know what to do!
  10. What would you do if you had to choose to either: Live with people who care and love you, giving you what you need, but leaving many loved ones, or getting the opposite... It's hard... Any advice?
  11. I was told by my crush that she likes me, so it should be clear to start dating but I'm scared of a few things. We both don't want the school to know because the bullying would be intense and annoying for both of us. I also don't know how to properly ask her out. I'm really nervous about it. I told her I wasn't ready to ask yet and she said she would be ready when I am. I'm also scared about how I'm not great at having conversations or communicating and such. And I don't want that to ruin everything in the end. I'm mainly afraid of how if I experiences another heartbreak I'll go back to how I used to be from the pain. So may I have your advice with all this? I'll be watching the stream but not talking to keep anonymity.
  12. It's a bit stupid because I fell for the same thing twice, but uhh... My mom and my Girlfriend both forced a change in me that I feel really bad with. Is changing Yourself just for another person's taste even worth it? I know how mom treats me, and my change hadn't made her change one bit, and I know how my relationship is cracked, near broken... So, how much worth can this change in me even be...?
  13. Do you have any advice on how to find peace for feelings for the pains of others that to beg for closure after a movie ends? (Context) Anyone listening has gone to school in different circumstances then my own,. Yet I'm certain if you've been to public school with in the past years, there has been at least one educational movie that you've watched. I highly doubt, that I'm the only person out there that gets strong feelings after watching movies or reading literature that has strong themes of terrible ordeals that happen. I know from as far back as 4th grade, if there were ever strong topic movies that were used as a class learning experience, that it ended with much apprehension or heart-wrenching sadness within me clinging in the shadows after the lights come back on. I often don't see such strong responses from classmates, so I always felt like I was a more sensitive child that was "overreacting to things" when compared. Like there was a huge difference between our two experiences. I have been told and recognize that I have a strong sense of Empathy. I can put myself in the shoes of someone else and understand situations from a perspective as similar as I can imagine from my own experiences. But, I also tend to feel their pain or fear as well from the similar replication of scenario in my own mind. This tended to be most strongly triggered in a less positive way from school movies or documentary videos. I often was a good enough child that I could sit through it or sit near the door and take breaks as allowed (Or just made the overriding decision that "You can't keep me in there, I'm going to hide in the bathroom. ^^/") Luckily, I'm a really good student and I don't intentionally try to break rules. Teachers gave me grace by asking why or letting it slide. But those stories are not what I wanted to ask about... College, much like high school, tends to touch upon really touchy subjects that can have much to learn from, but also make me extremely uncomfortable. But unlike high school English where I could ask to watch a different film that made much less impact on emotions, but still helped to get a point across; Professors sometimes use such films to drive a point across. Yet, I still find that hours after watching a two hour film about the horrors of drugs, I still am gripped by these shadowy feelings. Feelings that I can relate to well, and people that are hurting. I find that the pain crosses the screen and into my heart. And I don't mind that pain, but I do know that I can't let it then paralyze me from being able to work on anything else... I know that some of the things are pains from old memories, touched upon with no real resolution in the movies. Is there anything that you know might help?
  14. I have a question, Why do people need to die sometimes? Why do they not live forever?
  15. I know this is way out of left-field but I have a question I want to know how to be more out going. Have any advice? Because I'm kinda of tired of caring what, people that I don't talk to, care about me.
  16. What do you do when you are afraid of growing up?
  17. We would love to hear your thoughts on this. ❤️ Thank you and Much love!
  18. Well call it more of a concern for my best friend. She's very insecure and won't open up when something is wrong. She believes it's impossible for anyone to genuinely care for her and she doesn't see the good in herself that I see.
  19. Why do people even hurt each other? Like I see it all the time, why do they like doing it? That is sad.
  20. So I made up my mind about what I'm gonna do. I'm not giving up on this girl because I still love her and I know she feels the same, but I am going to wait. As for why I left Discord there's just no reason for me to be there anymore. If you're someone who didn't know I left I do apologize.
  21. Joe is a wonderful singer with many great uplifting songs that hit the heart. ❤️ Keep up the great work Joe~
  22. How do you guys find this so quick? And why is it in featured topic??? >///< Thank you for the nice comments. Photograph is a song I remember listening too when I was in sophomore year, which was actually a really difficult year. I had many relationships falling apart in my life. So it's a bittersweet song about love. I thought about this song recently, both about someone I care about, and a bit about God as well. Loving can hurt, sometimes it's overwhelming, but it can also heal. It's not something I will let myself give up on, cause it's the only way I know how to treat others. And sometimes the only place you can find it is in a photograph. A memory made, and that's hard. That's so hard sometimes. But still so precious, since love never dies. So this was all done on using my iPhone earbuds for a mic and an app called Smule. This allows me to sing parts over each other with slightly different filters for my voice if I want because I have a membership on it. However, I cannot choose what side of the speakers my voice comes out, which makes it really difficult to make it sound balanced. So you can slightly tell that the melody line is out of sync in some places due to it being song twice. It also allows me to only adjust the volume once, so I just gotta hope I get it right the first time I record each track. As for the harmonies, I was just having fun. It was just whatever came to mind to sing. While I have an Audio-technica AT2020USB+ Cardioid Condenser Microphone, I have no idea how to use it. Or maybe more accurately how to make it sound good. I wish I did so that I could have more control over it. I have found that it sounds similar to how my voice would if it was not filtered on the smule app, so I believe that there must be a way I can fix it. Though If anyone has any ideas or tips that would be highly appreciated.
  23. This question regards the first section of the "Fate & Malice" post which I named "The Beginning of Fate" which I'll try to summarize as much as possible and get to what the issue with it was: Basically... I moved to New York, made some friends, those friends moved (I didn't mention that part originally), then I made new friends, met a pretty girl named Anna in a way that felt like fate and fell in love with her, and got rejected countless times causing me to go berserk and I became overly obsessive to the point of being a physical threat to my friends. Then a girl online who went by the name "Vamp" (she wouldn't tell me her real name) saved me from self-harm. I think the biggest issue I had (and still have) with this portion of my life is that I too easily fall in love and get overly emotional with many things, especially love. When I find something I love, it becomes an obsession and impacts me mentally, physically, and in (pretty much) every other way. Issue: I don't know how to control my feelings (especially when it comes to love) and feel as if I need to be obsessive over something in order to be associated with it like I want.
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