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Princess_Yellow last won the day on June 2

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About Princess_Yellow

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  • Birthday 08/15/1999

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  1. ... I could use a better perspective on something. And it's in line with other topics of tonight. Which makes me wonder if I should really speak at all.
  2. I am trying to reform the USA education system, but I encounter many problems because fixing the system is intensive.. I see many problems with the system, but it is hard to convince the majority of students. How can I fix a system that everyone conforms to? The majority of people buy into the system.. Of course not all believe it is perfect. Our government spends 650 billion on the school system, yet it is insufficient. If we change one thing in a broken system, it is still broken. I want to abolish it. I am currently writing a PHD style thesis, and I plan to work with several professors. Many professor have been talking on the internet about this problem. I have to change it now.. Man, I feel like the system is deadlocked. I don't even think governments will reform on such a scale. Nor on a tiny scale.
  3. I have been overwhelmed in school for various reasons today and i hate it. I talked to my counselor about it and that really helped. Thankfully I get time off due to the Hurricane. Also I’m a perfectionist, so I just basically shut down when I get something wrong the first time. I know that giving up is easier than sticking with it. Just to clarify I have autism and ADHD.
  4. I brought up a couple concerns about a month ago and you guys helped me figure myself out and get started on patching things up. Now I'm in college again, happily maintaining a job, and meeting new people. It hasn't been easy, but I've been listening a lot to Aiko's song in criminal idol when things start breaking down. Thank you so, so much. To everyone else, their advice really works, heed it well.
  5. Soooooooo uh. Long story short, my mother stole my father's credit card and then 'kidnapped' my siblings in a sense. It was just supposed to be a vacation but now shes saying shes not coming back... And I'm really struggling to cope in healthy ways. She ran away and tried to trick me into coming with her. I've actually been doing really good to cope in healthy ways but its getting harder. And, I know I come on here sometimes and just jump right into the deep stuff but its because I trust you guys, its not that I'm trying to fish for attention or anything. Me and my Dad both feel so lonely and sad... and honestly him and my girlfriend are some of the only things keeping me going. My sister moved out of state and now my family is in shambles. I'm basically searching for any other coping skill ideas.... I don't wanna start cutting again. I've been doing good to stop and I don't wanna break that. Music has basically flown out the window as a coping skill for me.... I cant find the inspiration to sing anymore. Heck I even turned down a paying performing gig because of it.
  6. Can I have an opinion or a few about something? I wrote a letter for my girl crush with things I couldn't pull myself to tell her. Some of my friends have read it and thought it was really sweet. Though I'm not sure if I should give it to her. We haven't talked in months, I was a terrible friend, and she's seeing someone else. I guess three people here think I should give it to her. Honestly I have no clue whatsoever. Will it matter or make a difference? What if things get worse? I guess you could say I used to be kind of a tsundere.
  7. "Turning back is bound to be another calamity" So, once more, I'm coming back to that topic; Me and my past - Magda's death, the circumstances following it, and what it means for me. Just in case someone needs a short explanation of what happened; my first love was called Magda, we were really close, and due to certain delicate reasons, she decided to sell herself for money without telling me. I caught wind of it, broke up with her, she made an attempt at her life from sorrow. I gave her an another chance after learning what caused her behavior (her mom couldn't afford therapy for cancer), and started visiting her in the hospital. One day, I just walked into her room as she was ending her life for good. I'm glad to say, I've made progress. It's no longer "What if"s, I'm not blaming myself for what happened (at the very least, not while capable of thinking rationally, the last month was a little rough in that regard), and I finally started accepting some things I denied time after time, which helped me set a better picture of what my role in all of this was, and by that I mean - I did all I could. And it's not just a cheap excuse... ... And now I'm here, laying down in bed, thinking about it all... And I think I'm not only ready to move on, but, I feel almost forced to. Here, I turn to the topic of my question. A quote. "Turning back is bound to be Just another calamity" And it's not just the situation with Magda. It's also the crush I gave up on, it's a few mistreated friendships which gave up on me and a few other things I so dearly miss... I feel as if everytime I made actions to right my wrongs in those situations - "Turned back", I ended up with another massive failure - a "calamity". I've heard time and time again these two things; "Always fix what You broke", and "always take as much time as You need to recover"... But these two together just make me stuck in one of two loops --> Suffer --> Recover --> Fix --> Fail --> OR --> Suffer --> Recover --> Fix --> Fail something else --> And I feel like the only way to finally reach a bright tomorrow is just... Break through. Just... When? At which step? How? I can't just keep going while suffering, or I myself will break (Trust me, I tried lately) I can't keep on hoping I will just end at "fixing" suddenly, without failing something again, if it didnt work so far, but on the other hand, if there's no other choice...? Maybe I should just suck up the pain after actually failing and break from the loop there - No suffering means I could finally move on... But can I manage that...? And, yes, I know there's the option of just not fixing anything and moving past, accepting all of the (results? Outcome? I'm missing a word here...) I'd love to know what are Your opinions on that matter, it's not super-important, but it would certainly help me out! ^^
  8. I've got something that's been haunting me for a while... It's been haunting me for a while... And for the longest time, all I could do is run from it. I wasn't strong enough to face the pain. Yet as time has past, it hasn't gotten any easier. Even as I can handle the pain better, the pain seems to have increased with it. And as much as I tried, I am affected by the words of others. It's lead me to the point where I'm the one who is getting caught hiding their eyes... Just, by myself and not some detective. So, while on this topic, go check out the kickstarter campaign for amazing music that moves the soul. And even if you can't, pass the word around it's around 93% funded already~ (Link: http://kck.st/2GmMrXi) And Ryan and Joe. While I know I have told you more personal stuff about this topic, I want to ask for you to refrain from revealing those personal things I've shared with you. Please privately message me if you want that type of info. Okay. *Deep breath* While this isn't something that I am going to be able to resolve quickly or with one talk, I want to try and be more open. I need help if I want to move forward. And there's no place like Don't Worry Wednesday to get loving support. I don't know where this issue has it's roots. It's been so long, it's hazy to see where it began or what the issue truly is. But I know it's wrapped with wounds, deep ones about trust and intimacy. I think I've come to realize just how much I have been shaming myself for feelings I have. How often I bully my own heart, put it down with negative words, feel ashamed that I feel the emotional responses I feel. I batter my own spirit with guilt and humiliation. I really am my own worse enemy to my heart... And it's even more heartbreaking, because it leads to making crying everyday at least once the norm. Where I learn better then ever how to cry at work without leading anyone to ask me if I'm okay. Yet when I came home at night, often I'm left weeping myself to sleep to peaceful music to cope with the sorrow and pain. I wish it was as easy as saying "Stop doing this to yourself girl!", but it's not. And it's even harder to bring up here. I don't want people to know about something that makes me feel ashamed! I already guilt myself about it enough, that I don't want to endure more of it from others asking even if it's the best of intentions... And with all the thoughts running in my mind, it hard to unravel it all. I wish it didn't exist and I honestly don't know if that means the shame I'm feeling or the feelings that I am shaming myself for... So my focus I guess in this is, how do I heal a wound of shame and what techniques can I use to stop thoughts that harm my heart? ...How do I face the wound of distrust towards intimacy? I can't continue letting my heart be torn... I can't let this continue to take a toll on me... On my conscious and heart. I need to confront this pain! Yet, I don't know where to start... And my own thoughts only carry me in loops... Hiding and running to find a place where the agony and sorrow can't find me... I hope that I can learn to make peace within my own heart from this pain. Maybe there's a billion lessons, and that's not one of them. But I want this pain to mean something. This suffering... I want to grow from it and fashion it into something more loving.
  9. Is having a crush on someone constantly, despite being rejected, necessarily a bad thing? I personally find it in a morally gray area dependent on one's situation but a friend says she thinks it's always fine.
  10. How does one get rid of unhealthy habits, if working on them only ends up in bouncing back and forth? So, for context, I had three different things in mind; Compulsive lying which I worked past, getting into toxic relationships "just to feel loved" and then there's answering before thinking or even worse, making up an answer to look bright. ;;
  11. Okay well uh... I'm a musician and I started making music back in 2008, and it was going well but then after a while I hit a serious wall, I couldn't make anything good, and got stuck on the plateau for 8 years. And it was super frustrating, but then 8 years later I found inspiration, went for a year or so making music, and then I hit the plateau again recently. And I'm scared because I feel like I'm gonna be stuck forever again. It also doesn't help that I tend to make one super great piece and then taper off because "Welp. I'm not gonna surpass this." So I guess its like, how the heck do you get off of the plateau.? How do you climb the smooth, friction-less walls of the frustration? and... idk I'm not sure if I'm wording this right. The worst part is like... I was trying to compose for an indie game and then my inspiration just died, and that's what kicked off the plateau.
  12. I suffer from mood swings, and I feel like my emotions have too much control over my daily life. If I try to push through I end up making a lot of mistakes or get physically sick. I want to work on improving my self control, but I don't know where to start.
  13. I have a lot of issues with working beyond the first two or three steps in any kind of project. I get a lot of cool ideas, but after a while I feel like I'm wasting my time on the wrong thing.
  14. Off topic, where do you guys get the inspiration for your songs?
  15. My friend just stopped Responding out of nowhere on June 22nd.. They havent been online. I've tried messaging them a lot.. nothing.. They havent spoken in any servers I believe.. I'm so scared.. I'm worried it was something I did but my friend said that's probably not it.. Its even worse because we love eachother...we were in a relationship..we still are.. So I'm just..scared.. I'm just hoping they'll be alright. I have bad news.. My friend deleted their account... I don't have any idea why... Apparently on a video chat app my friend sent Stary (substitute name) a friend request on a video chat app on the 24th, two days after he disappeared from discord. Shes tried contacting him there countless times but no response We think he deleted the app.. I'm so scared... I need some help, or maybe some advice. Ive been having dreams about him.. even if it was just a few days after he disappeared.. Now theyre turning into nightmares.. How do i stop dreaming about him..? And do I come to make peace with his disappearance?
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