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Zion Mesa

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Zion Mesa last won the day on October 15 2018

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About Zion Mesa

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  • Birthday 07/25/1999

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  1. ... I love this song so much... I sing it all the time. It's probably my best song. I'm glad you like it too.
  2. I'm getting ready for the biggest speech of my life. I can hear the crowd screaming and inside I'm thinking "I'm not ready for this". Pan out, it's just in my head, my head is screaming. I sit at the table, chewing laboriously. It isn't the food, I simply have no appetite... zilch, nada, nothing. My stomach is tied up in knots. The reason, I'm awake, and therefore life is inevitable. This was yesterday. Life can stink sometimes, when sleeping and eating are difficult because of an ill placed panic attack. I'm not going to say I have it all figured out but somebody told me... it'll all be alright in the end. Honestly that's my favorite place for everything to be okay. The reverse is known as a tragedy. So buck up, half of the stuff you worry over is in your head. Talk about it, but don't hold onto it. Sometimes you gotta move on.
  3. I like twilight better, it makes me think of a retro video game. Old weekends before I had problems. Even though I'm only nineteen, I grew up with my dad's old video games. So I played a lot of super Nintendo.
  4. Cool, how did I not find this topic before? How long have you been producing? Can I hear some of your stuff? I want to learn music production and I can use all the help I can get.
  5. Igloo is meant to reflect the emotional journey that I'm on currently. The name "Igloo" stands for a wall of ice I built in order to protect me from the cold (the outside world, hurt.. etc) The current track listing is designed to represent a phase. 1. Solo act (Represents abandonment, but acceptance that I can still do this alone.) 2. Mario ( Both disgust for the manipulative and unreliable nature of people and fear to try new relationships.) 3. Psychiatrist (realization that I have a problem and an address of my insecurity.) 4. Apathy ( A numbing, a bluff at indifference.) 5. Dog on an airplane. (I use the analogy of a dog on an airplane to point out that I don't fit in and how I feel unwanted because I'm different.) 6. T.I.E "Take it easy" (A decision to just chill a bit and relax. Try to enjoy life a bit.)
  6. I intend for my first EP to be called "igloo". This represents "a wall of ice that I've used to separate and protect myself from the cold." I know that there's a lot of people who isolate themselves. I do this myself and too often it only leaves me alone. Igloo is the starting point for me since I've arrived. The planned tracklist also represents all the emotional stages that I experience from my "igloo."
  7. But if you check out the power levels the three of us can take on 394 guests.
  8. So I've been thinking. "Social club" has the misfits. Zauntee has the zealot gang. NF has the "real music" slogan. I've been thinking about branding. What represents me as a person and an artist? I intend to go by noiZ as a stage name because if you don't listen to the message then I'm just noise right? (Also it's conveniently my name backwards.) But as far as the movement that I want to create it's always been about people knowing that I hear them. Just as I have and do struggle with feeling unheard. I hope to speak to those who relate. What do you guys think about "The heard"? It's a double meaning, like herd as in group, but also heard as in acknowledged and listened to.
  9. Okay, I can accept losing to that. Even if I am still second out of two.
  10. For those who don't know, I'm pursuing music full time and I can use any support. I've held off because I didn't want to seem selfish. But I think that my music could help people with similar struggles. I have a YouTube channel and Instagram. If you're interested in helping me, those are the simplest ways. YT (Zion Mesa) Instagram (noizartist). For more specific skills anyone who can mix, master, produce, provide album art, marketing... Or anything that you can think would be helpful. Even moral support is appreciated. I actually struggle with anxiety and depression but I use my songs as medicine. The other day I shared a poem/rap I'd written with a kid who also had the same problem and I think it helped. Anyone who has questions or suggestions or is offering help can message me or reply to this topic. Thanks, S2AJoe for giving me this idea. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjFNk0-WPPQMeN2YNgEGHKg my YouTube
  11. That's cool congrats to the winners. That is a good idea though S2AJoe... If anyone has a skill that could help me or, even just supporting me by following or subscribing that would be awesome. I do want to read the story... Drop it in in the topic S2AJoe.
  12. Yeah...if you're current on MAL you know I need this.
  13. Nov 1 Haha how much does it take to keep a friend? I swear I did the best I knew how. People hate me, and I don't expect you to fully understand my pain but this is it. Normal day, normal chores. Tomorrow we're packing so I headed out early for my last day here. Arrived, I was comfortable and confident in my relationships and I was thinking I was going to miss this place. I went to the usual spot and most of the people were there. Grace and Nancy were as well. I said hello and went about greeting everyone else. They both walked over to the other side of the road. I was talking to the first nice crush girl ( Anna I think I was calling her?) And she told me to come with her over to them. We sat, in silence. I tried to ask Nancy what her deal was but she wouldn't answer. I asked Grace how she was and she didn't answer. I thought that was kind of odd but she was just glaring at me. They moved across the street and I started to get irritated... like just talk for crying out loud! So they did. Nancy called me what I assume is the Spanish equivalent of a d*** and said she doesn't want to be my friend. Grace said she doesn't want me to be around anymore either. I'm just thinking "what the heck? I don't deserve this." It took everything in me not to clap back. I prayed and I said "you came to me first and I promised to be your friend, so I am." To which the reply was that's not a promise and I don't want to be your friend and Grace repeated not wanting me around her. I'm probably in shock because it doesn't hurt much. So I ended it with "Go on, live your life, I'll be fine. but if you need me I'm still here." Nancy said, "I don't need you at all". I replied, "I was talking to Grace because I thought we were friends, you aren't my friend." I wasn't being trying to be mean but she hadn't treated me like a friend consistently enough for me to give her that title. It was Grace that surprised me. She read it and said "ok, bye". It felt heavily out of character for Grace. Every other time she's been nothing but kind, it almost feels like Nancy said "Hey Grace help me throw Zion back into depression." Whatever, it's still her fault for being a... mean person...(mental barriers (hooray morals!!!)) I just sat, like "what just happened?". Then that turned into anger. I don't think I've ever felt so internally furious. It didn't overflow but I could feel it. I talked to princess yellow for a bit and when I came back to the world. Lyrics popped into my head. So I'm screwy I'm a screwball I'm a screw-up you can screw off if you were thinking I need y'all you ain't seen my face in too long Then the cockiness set in. I walked different, I had a swagger, creepy smile I'd stick my tongue out, my eyes felt hard and honestly I wanted someone to just try to fight me. One of the ladies who always seemed nice enough was looking at me. I think she saw the change. She offered me some kind of alcohol. I refused again although the thought did cross my mind "does that stuff work? Will I not feel?" I stopped in front of Anna at one point. She looked at me, she knew what had happened. I just looked back, I couldn't blame her. I softened, I know she could see the sadness, so I just shook her hand gently. I remember thinking to myself "Why do I always pick the wrong people?"... but it's too late. I won't get to be friends with the other people who really care. I didn't see Warren. Then I was asked to go crab fishing and I did. It was a long walk wading through the river and left me cold and wet but I made it back. I'm a little more okay with moving, but at the same time I wish I had more time. I want to show that I'll be okay. All the people I hang out with are in the same area so I'll probably see Gracias and Nancy again...if I come back. But that's THEIR problem, I have all the little kids and virtually everyone else in the area to talk to. I can't control if they see me, THEY can stop coming where I go. The real question in my mind is why God wanted me to be nice to them. It has been hard for a while to be nice to Nancy but I did. Then it was hard to not flip them off today and instead he said I should remind them that I'm still here for them. Like why? Instead of wanting to be hit by a truck this time, I sorta wanted them to get hurt... but not really. I don't know why but I still hope they do okay. I would even probably take them back if they asked before I blow up. But I don't want them if they come back when I'm stable and I'm not holding my breath. Ren gave virtual hugs, I need those more than expected.
  14. Racism Good-byes And drinking... I'd have never thought that one day would entail so much. It's crazy and a bit stressful. This morning started fine. My mom headed out the market while most of us stayed home to attend to chores. But things changed... My mom texted us to say that she was delayed. Then in an update said that she was taking someone to the hospital. Apparently while she was driving through town she came across a woman in distress. She appeared as though she'd been attacked and was crying. The lady is Haitian, Dominicans are extremely racist against Haitians. Mom picked her up and took her to the police station. But they told her that she needed a medical record to get help. Mom only got this much after telling them that she isn't Haitian. Before they were just sent away. After arriving at the hospital, they wouldn't let the woman in. They just kept letting people go in front of her. She couldn't get any help so she had to go on her own and Mom came back. Mom was in tears and I was pretty angry (still am) but Nate and his mom who are at the house didn't seem to think much of it. After that today was okay. Not great, not terrible. We went to see some friends of ours further up the mountain and hung out there for a while. It might be the last time we see them for a while, if ever. After that I walked down to the neighborhood. For the most part I'm at a point where people's assumptions and opinions don't bother me anymore. I just lived. The holidays are coming up, so tonight was particularly festive, complete with wiskey and wine. I guess they don't have/enforce drinking laws here because I'm pretty sure most of us shouldn't have been drinking. I was offered whiskey early during the night and I declined. First of all I wasn't trying to damage my brain, second I had to walk back through the forest and I needed to be sober, third I heard drinking can mess up your voice. There were just so many reasons why I didn't need any alcohol. It was kinda wierd but nothing much seemed to happen, considering all the wierd stuff that normally happens it was act MORE mellow. Besides having to turn down half a dozen offers of wine it was normal. I did watch everyone more closely though. I was curious as to how this would affect them. I didn't see many major changes, but I did detect a few subtle differences. Most of them were quieter. Grace got a kinda "out of it" look in her eyes and just sat in a chair chewing on a styrofoam cup and spitting out the pieces. I kinda waved at her but general focus seems minimal. I walked her home later, figured just in case. Nancy was sitting by the radio and they had a phone controlling the music. She was kinda "DJing". I tried talking to her to no avail. She seemed fine mentally, still quieter than usual but definitely was just ignoring me the old fashioned way. So I just sat next to her. It didn't really bother me. I let some little kids play on my phone some and I ate some pasta that the person who lived there made. When I was walking Grace home, a family called to me. Grace had made a bit of an odd face when she was trying to understand what they were yelling and I decided to make sure she got home okay. I motioned for them to wait a bit. I wonder if she has a low tolerance. It wasn't really awkward walking together because I feel pretty comfortable around her and her with me. I do wonder what people think a bit though, it seems like they don't understand the concept of platonic relationships here. After I dropped her off I came back to the family. Now I had vaguely heard mentioned earlier that this girl... also has a crush on me. At this point, both because opinions don't mean a lot to me and because I think people are way to casual with their labels here I had just said "okay". I am really tired of being asked if I like someone that I don't know nearly every single day. So I stopped at this house, for one thing this girl is a kid. The Mom was smiling SO WIDELY and the dad... not at all. The two younger siblings were there and looking happy. Which made the particularly serious face of the father look out of place. So it looked like there was construction going on in front of their house because there was a good 5' deep concrete ditch where it would have been nice to have a step. I jumped across carefully and approached the Mom (she had called). Just smiling and a "have a seat". So I sat... and the mom smiled and the dad glared like I HAD done something. The two small kids I think we're trying to talk about the girl in question and she was throwing rocks into the ditch. I like being stared at as much as the next guy... assuming that the next guy is recovering from social anxiety and isn't fond of awkward situations. I waited and then excused myself and returned to the group. I just sat and watched everyone. I wondered why Nancy is so stubbornly cool towards me and I wondered how Warren is doing. Then I went home.
  15. Today was pretty good. We went for a drive this morning to a market about an hour away. It was hot and crowded but we didn't stay too long and afterwards we came home and made lunch. It was pretty chill and we did our chores and I went out. I met up with the group at the same place as yesterday. Talked with Nancy's brother for a while. He didn't stay out too long because he had to work again tomorrow. I was being attacked by a persisting boredom. I don't know why but I do get bored easily sometimes. I walked a bit but unlike normally I still spent most of my time with the group. At one point I walked up the hill and "English practice" girl was talking to like three guys. One of the guys called me over and asked to practice with me. Now yesterday I had been accosted by an older woman at a house by the road. She told me that I was friends with her daughter... I was confused until she motioned to the doorway where (English practice girl) was standing. This actually surprised me because I didn't expect her to think about or mention me to anyone. I started to wonder if she actually thought we were friends... Older lady told me that she's actually related to me (not surprised). That means that "English practice" is a relative. I find this slightly concerning because she looks nothing like me... And I don't want to meet someone (that way) and then discover we're cousins (ew). But today I was helping "guy friend" with his English. It was kinda casual, kinda awkward. I am still kinda awkward around strangers and "English practice" was staring at me. She's one of those people who make me think "life isn't THAT entertaining." Because she does that giggling thing and the constant smiling that I only see from girls who know that they're attractive. Anyway she stepped away for a minute and "guy friend" immediately changes to my least favorite topic... My love life. He asks if I have a girlfriend. I say no. He asks why. I shrug. I didn't really feel like explaining my entire moral philosophy in an English practice conversation. But wait it gets worse. Then he asked if I don't like Dominican girls. Inside my head I'm like "WHAT!!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT LIKE THAT!!!" Outside my head I just said "I didn't say that". English practice was back to hear this MOST awkward part. He continues "I know" he says, "I'm just asking." Now...my memory blocked this part but I think I just stood awkwardly. I actually DO find Dominican girls attractive but again... I don't know this guy and I don't really like the line of questioning. He said I need to get me a Dominican girl... I'm pretty sure I barely suppressed an eye roll here. But all of this wasn't in vain because he finished it off with "I mean look around" he motioned to (English practice) "she's f***ing beautiful". Which was met with more giggling from her. Immediately I thought "very smooth" while I SAID "actually we're related". I managed to excuse myself shortly after. I made my way about halfway down the street and just started to practice rapping. I tried to play a beat from YouTube but my net wasn't working. Suddenly I remembered that my plan ended at seven... It was nine. The service provider probably ate all the cash on my account by now. I felt it hit me... It was calling "be sad you idiot, you can't afford to blow money like this and now you won't have service until next time you go to town." I just sat on a log for a bit. Then I decided, "there's nothing I can do about it now." So I decided to finish my night. I began to return to the crew, and Warren was in front of his house. He was next door to everyone but not with them. I smiled and greeted him, sitting alone. It felt like our roles had reversed. I sat beside him and quietly tried not to worry about my money. We talked a bit, I asked why he wasn't with everyone else. He said that he likes to be alone. I thought it odd that this doesn't seem to apply to me. Is it because I'm quiet? But I just cautioned him about spending too much time alone and then we sat. To guys, who don't socialize much but don't REALLY want to be totally alone. After a bit I said goodbye and he went inside. I went back to the gathering and just sat on the outskirts. I walked Grace back to her "block" again and then came back. Nancy had been in the house most of the time but she was outside now. We didn't exchange any words. She sat quietly on her side an me on mine. There were people talking between us since we were on opposite sides of the little pavilion. Here's the fun part. She acknowledges my presence, but she tries not to. She seems to be acting apathetic but I not buying it this time. She was talking to a little kid about five and she makes the most random statement. She said "I only like lighter guys, not brown ones. Lighter guys like him" and she motioned to a random guy nearby. There was a two second "ouch window" and then my brain kicked in and I practically cracked up. Talk about heavy handed, like the five year old cares about your supposed romantic preferences. I just ignored it. My sister Lalah LOVES to try to ignore me, so I have lots of practice. Nancy will not look at me. But that doesn't stop me from looking at her. So I just stared straight at her. I didn't say anything, I didn't hide it, I just stared. I couldn't help smirking, I love a challenge, and finding subtle ways to get attention from people who try to block me is a hobby of mine. She has a great poker face, but I didn't make it easy. I noticed her mouth twitching more than a few times. There were a few people around who noticed and a lady next to her snickered. I could tell she was struggling and that made me smile more. I just figured at this point, it's pretty fun to mess with her a bit. If she really wants to block me I'm not going to make it easy. After a while she started switching between not looking at me and trying to look as bored as possible. So that put me in a pretty good mood. I still can't help smiling about it. So it turns out that my money is still intact!!!! It was a good day.
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