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I take a lot of medicine for all my problems and have extreme anxiety [as you can probably tell, haha]... and the medicine helps me stay happy when I'm around other people. In fact, when I'm around other people, I couldn't be more happy and better, and I have no problems whatsoever, but when I'm alone, that's when all the problems begin to appear and I have all these depressing thoughts. And, maybe this was obvious, but usually I'm alone when writing posts, so it's usually my darker or depressing side that's speaking in every post. The whole "being able to be happy around others" thing is why I'm not saying super depressing things in the livestream chat usually, because I'm not alone. The problem that needs addressing in this post is-- how do I maintain happiness even when I'm left by myself to deal with these damaging thoughts?

Edited by Cherri
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The most important thing you can do, at this time, is to stop lying as much as possible. Lying only accomplishes one thing, and that's making things harder and more difficult for yourself and those around you. Staying true to yourself and others is most important. I understand that it can be difficult. It's easier to try and be someone else and have that person be disliked than to be who you really are and have someone dislike the real you. The thing is, that isn't what is important. You are who you are. People will either love you or just move on away from you. No one's opinion matters over your own in regards to yourself. Ever. 

We don't live for others approval. We only have ourselves at the end of the day. I would suggest reflecting on who YOU feel YOU truly are. Search within yourself to find who you want to be and make the strides to make that person happen. You have already made much progress. I'm sure you can see what wonders you can truly create by just being you and doing what it is that you love. When you feel yourself trying to lie to others or yourself, step back. Take a physical step back if that helps even. Think for a moment before going in that direction again. Once you fall into lies it is so very difficult to pull yourself back out. 

Wanting and craving attention and support isn't really a bad thing either. It's human nature to want to be loved on and tended to. We want to be surrounded by caring people and crave to be warm with those around us. During the good times as well as the bad. We want positive attention. So don't feel too upset about wanting such. However...with that, you've began to cling to the negative and bad bringing about more support and comfort. It isn't as noticeable when things are going well, but that doesn't mean it isn't still there. Pay attention to the little things as much as you can. I'm sure you will begin to see more and more goodness blossom around you. People don't just reach out and support you when you aren't feeling 100%. We don't just decide to ignore you once you are happy again. We are always still here. Good, bad, happy, sad. Doesn't matter. Friends are a constant source of warmth in your life. Smile brighter knowing that, if you can. 

You aren't defined by your lies. You are more than what you convince yourself to be. The you that you are is far better than any lie you (or anyone) can ever create. It is easy to hide behind false words. It's easy to just say whatever and move on with your life. It's just easy to make something up and deal with whatever may come later. It's work to create bonds. It's work to create connections (true connections) with people. When you are upset (or lying about being such), you will see people reaching out more to you. To offer you comfort or whatever you feel you may need. It's the easy way out basically. I am sorry for just saying such, but it really is like that. Friendships/relationships all take work. We have to be true to ourselves to make the full leap. Otherwise you are just protecting yourself in the end. You can't build up more with anyone if you are constantly changing your story or lying to yourself about what is going on in your head. Try to see that lying is never going to make you or anyone else happier. 

You are who you are meant to be. That is all we can ever be in life. If people don't care for you or dislike what you are doing, who cares? They are not what define you. YOU are the only person that can say who you are and who you will be. YOU are the only person that can direct your life. YOU are the only person that matters most in YOUR life. You already see what you are doing. That's the first big step. You already know what direction you need to take to better yourself. All that is left is taking that leap. Take that leap into who you are meant to be. Take that leap with your head held high KNOWING that you are being true to yourself first. You don't need others to tell you how great you are (though we will continue to do so). If you feel like you may need to lie more, please, I encourage you to catch your breath first and rethink. I urge you to stop lying to yourself because you can't be truly happy until you do. You can't decide what it is you are truly passionate about until the lies are no longer clouding your mind. You can't grow past what has happened when you are so focused with covering up every little lie that happens. No one can. 

Continue to reach out if you feel yourself slipping. You aren't alone through any of this. If you need a little positive everyday just to help, I will send you a little something every morning. Anything to help you keep away from the lies. You are already a great person. Let us work together to make you see yourself as such. 

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