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Artist22

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Artist22 last won the day on April 25 2019

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  1. Hey everyone I first want to thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers for my family during this difficult time. As you all know my uncle recently passed away. I would like to explain to everyone what happened as I need to get this off my chest so that I can come to terms with everything and I am sorry in advanced of how long this is. A few months ago my uncle was diagnosed with Farmer's lung, which is basically a type of pneumonia that you can't get rid of and is terminal, the doctors gave my uncle only 2-3 years to live. Eventually my uncle would have ended up being bed ridden and relying on an oxygen tank unable to leave his home. I can tell you this much, he wouldn't have been my Uncle Gene any more, meaning he wouldn't be the same. He was the kind of guy to go out and get on a tractor and mow the lawn with his grandson on his lap and tell jokes and tease you. He would always give me crap about having a boyfriend and being like "Oh come on now you're just hiding from us admit it!" or "Where's your boyfriend at?" The decon at our church Decon Ken, was my uncle's best friend as told by him. They would razz and joke with each other and it was funny to watch. My uncle Gene suffered from a heart attack three weeks ago on a Wednesday early in the morning, his brother and sister-in-law had stopped for a visit on their way home. I was told by my parents that my aunt feels guilty for not taking my uncle into the ER sooner. My uncle had been complaining of what he thought might have been heart burn and my aunt made an appointment with the clinic for that afternoon. Anyways my aunt and uncle visited with his brother and his wife for a while and went out to the garage to say goodbye, as my aunt turned to go back into the house my uncle called out her name and he fell to the ground face first. My aunt called my uncle's brother and wife back in and they performed CPR on him while my aunt called 911. My parent's got the call about what happened at around 10 am. The ambulance arrived and they used the shock pads to get his heart going again. They had to airlift him to the hospital. When I got home from work we found out he had 99% blockage in one artery and 77% blockage in another. They put four stints in the 99% and then put him into an induced coma, to let my uncle rest and see how he does before they did anything with the 77%. They waited a coupe of days and they tried to get him out of it, but he wouldn't respond. My uncle's eyes were fluttering but they weren't because he was trying to wake, it was because he was suffering from multiple mini seizures, all thanks to the lack of oxygen to his brain. The doctor's told my aunt to sign a DNR as it was likely that as soon as they took him of the breathing tubes and sedatives he would suffer from many seizures and even if they revived him the damage to his brain would have worsen. We all knew as soon as they said he wasn't responding that he was gone. My mom figured though that as soon as my Uncle's head hit the floor he was gone, he wasn't Uncle Gene any more and that is what saddens me the most, is that if he had made it, he wouldn't be himself. As soon as we had found out what had happened to him we prayed and lit a candle. Every night I prayed to God to help My aunt Cindy get through this to give her strength and to take all my strength if she needed it. I prayed that my Uncle Gene would be okay and that he wasn't feeling any pain. And I believe my prayers were answered. My aunt Cindy's children and grandchildren all went to the hospital and they stayed with a relative that lived near there. I believe my aunt's children along with the priest that came to do the annointing of the sick on my uncle, gave her the strength she needed. On June 5th, when Decon Ken asked my aunt if he could come up and pray over him and when my aunt told my uncle that it was okay for him to go, I think that is what gave my uncle the courage to go home to God and to become one of his angels and look over my aunt. As soon as the rosary beads were in his hands five minutes later he was gone and he was no longer in any sort of pain. Yes it is sad and it hurts that he is gone but I am so glad I got to know him and have him in my life, typing all of this out right now I am in tears. Just like for the first few days when I heard he wasn't waking up, because I knew deep down he wasn't coming back. I cried myself to sleep every night and I am sure my aunt had been doing the same thing. I have a special connection with my aunt because she is my Godmother and it hurts me to know that her soulmate is gone. I know my aunt and uncle were soulmates because you could just feel it, you just knew. I went over to my aunt's and I gave her this painting that I did. The painting was of night sky with shooting stars and the moon full and bright with a white and black tree in front of the moon. She wanted to pay for and I decided that I was going to give it to her. Something told me to visit her and when I got there she was outside in her back yard on her deck with my cousin Erik and his wife. I gave the painting to her and she became emotional and about cried. It took everything in me not to break down crying in front of her because I wanted to be strong for her. She told me and I quote "I have such a lovely and talented niece. Thank you hon, every time I look at it the moon, I will think of Gene." As we were talking a monarch butterfly flew passed us and landed on a lilac. I told my aunt that if a Monarch butterfly appears before you, it means your guardian angel is nearby. She chuckled and said "Gene is watching over me then, I've been seeing them a lot today." My Aunt and Uncle always got to church some way or another, if one of them was sick they would stay home and watch church on TV. And once in a while they would have their grandchildren with them, more specifically River and Ambria. River is only 5 but he was his grandpa's sidekick and did everything together with him. He has been asking for his grandpa and Mandy and them are trying to figure out the best way for him to understand that his grandpa is not coming back. On Facebook my cousin Mandy is angry and is blaming God for taking away her dad this is a revised quote of hers :"if he actually cared about us, he wouldn't let stuff like this happen! He should know that we need him more than him!" I told her that with this war that is going on right now on earth, God needs his strongest and most stubborn Angels to help protect those that can't. My uncle was in so much pain here on earth and now I know he isn't. Mandy's daughter Paige, doesn't believe in God any more because of all the bad things that have happened to her and I want to tell her that God gives you what you need in front of you, he doesn't give you what you want. The house that my family lives in now, we prayed to God about it, it didn't just happen in one year that we got our house, it took almost 5 years before our house was nearly finished that we got to move in. My cousin Chelsea she is more angry at herself than at God, she doesn't blame God, but she is mad at herself because she did not treat my Uncle really well when she was younger. Erik as far as I know has his head on straight and is thinking clearly. I understand they are in pain and I know how they feel, even though he was their dad and my Uncle was Paige's grandfather, he was my Uncle which hurts just as much. I only have one regret and that is that I never got to hug him one last time. Once again sorry that this is so long. I just really needed to let it all out. Thank you everyone. My Uncle's funeral will either be held this Thursday or on Friday. God Bless you, -Kendra-
  2. Hello everyone, I hope you all are doing well in quarantine. This past month I have been working on getting my frames together for my art work. Honestly though it feels like a waste of time now since there is no art show in a live gallery. I now have to take pictures of my art work and put it up online. What's worse, and that just yesterday, my professors finally just emailed me all at once on what is happening for my senior art show and for choir. I am annoyed because I have an 8 page paper to write for my artist Thesis/philosophy and it is due May 11. However my artist statement along with the pictures of my artwork are due the April 27! I have just finished sanding all of my frames and we don't even have plexi/acrylic glass for them! I also still have my drawing assignments and normal watercolor class assignments as well! Not to mention that I have to practice singing a part of a song Dr. Rogers assigned almost every day for about 60 minutes! He has yet to send the part that I am supposed to be practicing! I also am going to have to record myself practicing singing this song and send it to him! Honestly in my head this is how I feel... "AHHHHH!!" My anxiety has once again risen, my depression probably would be even worse if it wasn't for the mood stabilizing tablets that I have been taking and my love for painting is just slowly ebbing away. I find myself not wanting to do anything, just stay in bed and stare at the ceiling while listening to some sort of ASMR roleplay thing. I want to start playing video games again but everytime I think about doing it, there is this one thing in my ear that's like "If you start playing again, you are just going to get frustrated or board and end up quitting, why play?" I just don't know what to do and trying to bring up my emotions and what I am feeling to my family, is not easy at all. I feel like the only person in my family that actually understands how I feel or can sense that something is wrong with me is my mom. If I try to bring up anything about depression or stuff like this to my dad his answer is " I'm sorry you feel that way" or "You aren't depressed, it's just the devil saying all those things to you to make you feel that way." It hurts hearing him say that because then I end up feeling stupid for even saying anything to him. Before he says anything else I usually quickly end up walking away and going and locking myself in my room so that I don't have to hear him anymore and I can cry. I have shown my emotions to my siblings before and they either make fun of me or ignore me. When I was still in middle school/ high school I was very self-conscious about my weight and I still am. My brother would often call me fat and ugly and that really brought my self esteem down because it wasn't someone from my school, it was someone in my family, someone I care about. The one that makes those comments about me being emotional or my weight is mostly my sports loving brother. My mom has gotten after him before, because she knows how much his words hurt me, but also because that is not how God wants us to treat each other. I have tried to ignore what he says but it sticks with me, it's part of the reason I don't see myself in a good light even when people tell me how kind I am, how cute I am or something else about me that they like. I have looked in the mirror in the morning or at night and have said to myself "I am beautiful. I am loved. I am worthy of love." The confidence I get from that only lasts so long though. Some friends of mine have told me to get professional help, but I can't afford it right now. They have also told me that if I ever need to talk to them, they are their for me, but I know they have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with my own and I am probably contradicting myself right now considering I like to help other people. I'm sorry this is so long, I think I just really needed to vent and I am in a very emotional state. Thank you for reading/listening. God Bless you. -Kendra-
  3. Recently I have been doing a lot of art. More than I usually would do and I am starting to get sick of it just a little bit and after painting for so long my energy is just drained. My dad recently took the business off of buisman because no one was wanting to buy it and only wanting to rent it. So what my parents have decided is until I get my own place, I can use the carwash office as my art studio. All we need to do is clean out the stuff from the garage sale and I just have to help pay for electricity and water. I recently posted some of the art I have done here on the sight, some of it being from my senior capstone art and some of it from being in my free time. I feel like part of the reason I am feeling so just blah is because of my room. I should do spring cleaning and clean it out and throw stuff away but every time I look at my room and the disaster it is because my art stuff is all over, I just feel overwhelmed. I am hoping that I can clear it out on Saturday when I am sure my siblings and parents can help me. They all have nagged at me to clean my room, but it makes me not want to do it and it doesn't help when my depression and anxiety is nagging at me as well. Anyways my dad has been making the frames after some trial and error and all we need to do now is to glue and nail them together but we can't find the clamps. So we are on hold now. I am just hoping that after all this someone will buy my artwork with the frames. I am still trying to figure out how much I should price my work. I usually do $20 per hour that I have worked on a piece and then add $2 per tube of paint I use and then multiply the amount by 2 and now I have to figure out the pricing with having a frame with the plexi glass. I have also not been in the mood to do audios but at the same time I want to do audios because now I have more free time. My classes are still up in the air as of this moment because they are choir and art. Watercolor is no problem because I basically am working on my senior capstone. I am sorry this is all over the place, I will answer anything that doesn't make sense. I think that might be all for now but who knows. Thank you for reading this and helping me out. God Bless -Kendra-
  4. Artist22

    Art galore

    Here are some of my senior capstone flowers I have done and then a few other art works as well.
  5. Hey guys so this is sort of a rant and I just need to get this off of my chest. I am sorry if this is so long. Recently I had my senior capstone review. I had to give my artist statement and show them the work I have been doing. One art piece in particular that I have more work to do on, is my favorite! The colors are bright and it feels tropical and so happy. But the one thing the professors said was that it seemed to be an outlire because there were some harsher lines in the art work than my other ones. My artist statement is about how flowers can be connected with emotions besides their color. People pass by flowers not really giving them too much attention and just say "Oh there's a pretty flower" and that's it, there is no feeling no emotion towards them. They said that it didn't seem exactly like watercolor and I honestly don't think that is a bad thing. They want the emotion from it but they want me to keep the watercolor look to it? Some of the flowers I did needed the watercolor look in order to portrait the emotion, the feeling I get from the flower. The way to show happiness, pure joy, and just feeling of warmth, is to not have as much watery look to it, I have already worked on the leaves a bit to look somewhat watery. I enjoyed painting these flowers but now, the more the professors nag about the smallest things that don't need attention to, is starting to wear me down. I have bit my tongue multiple times to keep me from giving a sassy remark. They are critiquing the work as professionals, but I am tired of hearing the same things. They make it seem that I didn't mean to make harsher lines in a couple of my works, but I did it on purpose for a reason. That is one of the things that I am worried about. The other thing is trying to create the frames for my artwork and so far I have 8 pieces of artwork finished but none framed. I have a couple more art pieces in the process. However, every time I ask my dad about the barn wood and making them, all he can say is "yeah we'll get to it, I have to go to your brother's basketball game". Or "can you watch Brother S and take Brother N to work and pick him up please?" The thing is I need to get going on this now because March 26 is when the senior exhibition goes up! I don't have much time left! Not only that but after telling my teacher Greg about using recycled barn wood he goes and says "Make sure that it doesn't outshine the artwork." or something like that. So now I have to worry about that! I don't even know what the wood looks like yet because my dad hasn't taken me out with the trailer to get the wood. Anyways thank you for reading this I really needed to get this off of my chest! Thank you and God Bless you~! -Kendra-
  6. A friend of mine on my discord hasn't been on in a while and I had thought that perhaps she was just busy with school and focusing on her studies. Well recently she messaged me and had me talk to her privately. She had attempted suicide and I was the first one she trusted to tell me about what she had tried to do. I had sat there in shock for moment and didn't have any words to say and when she repeated again, I had told her I heard her and I just let her talk. Apparently she had been dealing with problems with some really bad friends along with her ex and family members. She felt like she had no where else to turn to. I started tearing up when she had told me that she was glad she had failed and glad that she was alive. I had told her that I was glad she was alive too and that if I was there I would hug her but then punch her arm and hug her again. I told her to never do that again because I cared too much too loose another friend. She told me that if I saw her online to message her or talk to her and I plan on doing that. I am now worried for her, she says she is getting help and that will be a reason she won't be on Discord that much, but to messaged her when she is on. I am praying for her and that she gets better. I am just worried that I won't be able to do much for her. We may not live in the same state but she is like my little sister and it hurts to think she tried to take her life. She says she regrets not telling us what had been happening, but I understand why she kept it to herself. She didn't want us to be worried for her but this has made me worry for her more. Anyways, thank you for reading this, I needed to get this off my chest. -Kendra-
  7. The winter painted records is for the Frosty Frolic in my town. It's where small business and crafters sell their work. The Patriotic watercolor painting is for my friend's parents since her dad is in the Navy and their house recently burnt down. Also I need ideas for the painted records for the frost frolic.
  8. Artist22

    TikTok Videos

    It was called Musically but then it was changed to TikTok. it's basically an updated version of Vine.
  9. Hello it has been awhile and a lot has happened.I hope you are all doing well! The Fling Thing went well and I sold $300 worth of art work and I will be going to the Frosty Frolic, which is like the Fling Thing but more Christmas themed. AJ and I have disbanded, we are not using the term broken up because we are still close friends. But this has been weighing on both of our minds since we found out about my dad not liking interracial couples and last night we talked about it and we agreed that we didn't know when we would meet and that anything could happen in between the time we are dating and when we meet. So we decided we will just be friends and a lot of our friends are a bit disappointed but they understand, after all we were shipped together by a lot of them before we started dating. I am currently in the community choir so that is why I haven't been on recently on Wednesdays because it starts at 7 and ends at about 9. I am really excited to tell you that I have a couple of solo parts in the program! If possible I will have my mom record it and I can edit it to where you only see me, as to respect other people's privacy or just somehow download just the audio, which ever works better. The concert is called "The Night of Our Father's Love" and I am happy about it and the concert is on December 8th, so it is getting really close. I am feeling a lot better about myself and where my life is going and I have God and my family and friends to thank for that. Anyways on my YouTube channel I have reached 313 subscribers and I am ecstatic! However, if you haven't heard about COPPA and the thing that is happening with YouTube, I am concerned about how this would affect my channel, because my channel is technically not meant for kids. I mean I don't really know any kid to listen to a women talking to herself as a character who is technically talking to the person listening to them. (ASMR Voice Acting videos) I was going to start filming myself painting with water color and kind of give a lesson, like Bob Ross, but with what is happening I don't think I want to do it, because in the thing it says that "any arts and crafts is considered appealing to children or is child friendly". I am praying to God about this and I am thinking of moving a lot of my stuff to like reddit or even twitch or some other platform just so I don't feel so pressured about what is happening on YouTube. I honestly am not sure and I would like your opinions on this. Thank you. -Kendra- Update- The concert went great, got a lot of compliments. One lady came up to me and my friend Haly while we were talking and told Haly she did well on her flute solo and then she turned to me pointed at me and said "You! You can sing!" I honestly was shocked by this but happy. Also, a dear friend of mine sadly passed away on December 4, 2019. If you could please pray for her and her family, I would really appreciate it. Thank you.
  10. I am excited to say that I have a new boyfriend. I broke up with Kaleb a few months back, after sorting out my feelings and it was mutual, he promised that he would try to be a good friend to me if I ever needed to talk. To give some back story, I met AJ on Discord and we clicked instantly and began to just tease each other and joke around and have fun. Everyone in the discord immediately shipped us together because we were apparently 'flirting' which both AJ and I don't think we ever did. About seven days ago, AJ and I both came clean about our feelings for each other. The person who made the first move was me and part of the reason I did it was because I had gone to see the live action "Lion King" and when the song "Can you feel the love tonight" came on, I immediately thought of AJ and I. I told everyone on Discord we are now boyfriend and girlfriend and surprise, surprise almost everyone said "Well it's about time!" Everyone had come to the conclusion that sooner or later we would end up dating. A couple days after we started dating I began debating if I should tell Kaleb. Because I had told him that if we ever did meet in person that maybe, just maybe we might be able to date again if the feelings are still there. In the end I did tell him and I felt a bit guilty because it just seemed he became sad and I understand why but it makes me feel bad. The one thing he said was "As long as he makes you happy, I am happy". It made me feel better but at the same time I still felt a bit guilty. I think I made the right decision though in telling him even if I still feel a bit bad. However, I can say with confidence that looking back at why me and Kaleb began to date rather than when AJ and I started to date is different. Kaleb and I started to date because we were both single and we kind of had feelings for each other and our feelings grew through the years we were together even though we were far apart. As time went on we both started to talk less than when we first began to date. Looking back now I think the only reason we really did date was because we thought we could make each other happy and that there would be no one else for us, which is not a good frame of mind now that I look at it. With AJ we understand each other, he is able to tell me no or he doesn't give in so easily and will tease me back. He will allow me to be in control for a while but will step in and help or take over if he sees that I need some encouragement. Down side to this relationship is once again it is long distance and he is even farther than Kaleb. He lives in Barbados, which is over 3,000 miles from where I live. I am not really sure if this is even a question or rather me just telling someone what is happening, because once again I am not telling my family about me being in a relationship since they don't think a relationship like this would work. I have faith that we can make this work, with God's help and some hard work. AJ plans on becoming a nurse and he plans to eventually study abroad in America near where I live once he has the basic classes taken care of in his home country. I am sorry this is so long, there is so much more I would like to say but I think you guys have read enough of this to understand. Thank you again, God Bless you both! -Kendra- P.s Something knew just came up that completely and utterly change many things. I just found out that my dad is prejudice against interracial couples. And this hurts because part of it is he is my dad and I want him to approve of who I am with. My mom has talked to him about how that isn't what God wants and that he wants us to love and care for others, then again it also has to deal with how he was raised. My mom's main concern is that he is from a different country and would like him to be part of the US before we start dating. I understand her point of view and AJ and I are taking things very slowly. We are just concentrating on one thing at a time. But who knows the future can change.
  11. It has been a hot minute and I am sorry if this is really long, I have had so much happening these past couple of months. First off I have had commissions for painting and I am hoping to get my business rolling with the frosty frolic and the fling thing that our town holds for small businesses. Second I have had to go to family reunions and I will be heading to a wedding for my cousin on Saturday. Third, I have been working to try and get my bank account back up and thankfully I have it up just enough that it should cover my gas purchases for this school year. As I will be commuting back and forth so that I will not have to pay extra money for a dorm room, considering that last year I stayed in the apartments and the apartments are shut down for renovations. It would be hard for me to go from having all that space and my own kitchen to a small room with no kitchen and a lot more restrictions. Now on to my main concern I have. My concern is that I won't do well in the frosty frolic or the fling thing and then I will be loosing money from the rent of the booth. I would move to a slightly bigger city because I know selling art in a bigger city tends to do better, but I don't like being in a place where buildings are so close to each other and there are hardly any trees or green landscape. I can handle being in the city where my college is but, there is so much stuff happening there, I just couldn't live there, especially with all the noise and sirens. My main problem for me is that I don't have the money, I won't have the money to live on my own until I have most of my student debt paid off and rent is really high, and I don't just want to find a cheap apartment in a not so good neighborhood. My friend Haly has offered me to move in with her, I would love to, however I don't think it is such a good idea with how often I am making a mess with my art. I have things spread out everywhere and in a small apartment that might not be such a good idea. And knowing my friend she likes to keep things clean and in place and it wouldn't be fair to her to live with that. If we could rent a house where there are multiple rooms then, yes I would be okay with that, because then I can have a room that is just for my art and my business and she can have her own space for her office! I am thinking that I should make a business card so that if I were to travel some place out of state and I have my art book with me, then maybe I could expand my business. I know I will need to create a website so that others have the opportunity to see and be able to purchase my art, but at this point I think I just need to focus on finishing my last year of college and being sure I pass my classes. I know this is a lot and I am sorry if I was jumping all over the place. I kind of have been keeping a lot in and have a lot to say. I will probably make another post. Thanks again, God bless you guys. -Kendra-
  12. Recently I have been selling a lot of art work. I have a bunch of records that I am painting because they are either scratched or broken. Well I have 8 commissions, 3 of which are big paintings each done with different paints and 5 records. I am happy that I am making money this way, but I also have my summer job working at a restaurant and I also have my YouTube channel which I am working on. So with all this I am up late at night painting and I haven't been making my videos like I want to. The next day I am very tired but I get up and get back to painting before I head in to work. I will be getting a break this week but I still have a lot of paintings that I still have to get done. I want to get back into making my videos but I don't want to force myself and then my stuff end up not being that good. What should I do to not push myself so far? Am I making sense? Anyways thanks for reading this. -Kendra-
  13. As you know I have a boyfriend that I really do love with all my heart, but recently I have been feeling a different kind of love for him. I don't necessarily love him in the romantic way any more, but more so in a friend kind of love. When I first started to date him I was head over heels for him and I loved him doting on me and telling me how much he loves me. However now that I am older and I am busy with other things and have made many new friends, I have grown to realize who I actually am. I enjoy being with other friends and talking and being creative and helping others, but I also realize that I am a person who loves human contact and being able to hug them and hold hands and so much more. It is hard having a long distance relationship and I have come to realize I have exited what some people call the "honeymoon" phase. To be honest I feel like we aren't even boyfriend and girlfriend and I think that is partly my fault because I haven't told anyone in my family we are boyfriend and girlfriend and I also kept introducing Kaleb as my friend, to the point where I think we are just friends, really good friends to be exact. However I believe this would be good for us to grow our friendship and then perhaps when we meet in person we can begin to date again. I have talked to Kaleb and he is okay with this as well. However I am concerned that I might meet someone else and want to date them. I am not really sure on anything with relationships when it comes to me, but when it comes to other people I am able to give them good advice and everything works out for them with their relationship. What should I do if I meet someone else and we end up liking each other but I am still not sure if I am ready to be in a relationship? Sorry this was so long. -Kendra-
  14. I recently went on Omegle to try and see if I could meet a Youtuber named Pinkstylist, well instead of him I met a grade a jerk that shot down myself confidence. They called me tranny trash and said that I was born a guy and should just admit it because I have a jawline like a guys apparently and my body build looks like that of a guys and that I have no curves and that really hurt because I have been trying to lose weight. I haven't been very confident in how I look and I have friends that have helped me to feel good about myself again. But this guy brought me down again, I am sure this person is going through a bunch of stuff for them to say things like this and I will pray for them. I really just need help to try and bring that self confidence back up and figure out a way to not let people bring me down like this again. Any suggestions? Thanks once more. -Kendra-
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